tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post3540549722173656823..comments2023-10-19T09:36:41.506-05:00Comments on A Mormon Enigma: I need a friendAbelard Enigmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13166049686152203530noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-14325816763699745962008-07-17T06:13:00.000-05:002008-07-17T06:13:00.000-05:00I grew up isolated in the church & was never f...I grew up isolated in the church & was never friends with the other youth, but was social in school with mainly male friends. <BR/> <BR/>which seems to be sort of a backward experience.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps on some level I thought that if a church member was my friend, it would be hard to maintain that friendship if I ever fell away from the church(which was <BR/>on my mind a lot)<BR/><BR/>maybe paulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14837646999916990755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-56500376066817674632008-07-09T11:37:00.000-05:002008-07-09T11:37:00.000-05:00But I found that for me the number one de-inhibito...<I>But I found that for me the number one de-inhibitor in being able to build deep meaningful friendships with men was coming out.</I><BR/><BR/>I am definitely getting closer to reaching that point - my closet is getting very stuffy.<BR/><BR/>Problem is, when I told my wife that I'm gay - I didn't come out of my closet, I dragged her into my closet. Now she shares my closet and any decision to Abelard Enigmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13166049686152203530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-25977574077555904692008-07-09T11:32:00.000-05:002008-07-09T11:32:00.000-05:00I don't know if you completely hate sportsThat is ...<I>I don't know if you completely hate sports</I><BR/><BR/>That is one of my OGT's (Obviously Gay Traits). I throw balls like a girl, I have no coordination, and I just really suck at sports.<BR/><BR/><I>No one is expecting you to even come close to hitting the ball, but to just have fun. </I><BR/><BR/>You haven't seen my pathetic attempts at playing sports. I really really suck. Other people Abelard Enigmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13166049686152203530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-67741695425031828202008-07-09T11:13:00.000-05:002008-07-09T11:13:00.000-05:00I only read some of the comments, so if I repeat s...I only read some of the comments, so if I repeat something someone already said, my bad.<BR/><BR/>I don't know if you completely hate sports, but I think one of the best things to do to meet people is either, adult male softball or co-ed softball. Just go to your local Rec Center and sign up. My family does it and it is a blast to watch. No one is expecting you to even come close to hitting the Little Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11062806951299632068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-51947152849481466312008-07-09T09:14:00.000-05:002008-07-09T09:14:00.000-05:00I'm not sure how the ex-gay movement helps gay guy...I'm not sure how the ex-gay movement helps gay guys relate better to male friends...<BR/><BR/>But I found that for me the number one de-inhibitor in being able to build deep meaningful friendships with men was coming out.<BR/><BR/>Once I was no longer afraid of that part of myself, it freed me to develop enduring, positive, (emotionally though not physically) intimate friendships. I have built John Gustav-Wrathallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03557940681381951271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-81664406617933066082008-07-09T08:47:00.000-05:002008-07-09T08:47:00.000-05:00crap, I hit the "return key" too soon.Anyway, I wa...crap, I hit the "return key" too soon.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I was going to say, that most guys have moments where they feel awkward around other guys. Our society isn't all the conducive to male bonding.<BR/><BR/>Plus, you live in the southeast. I've heard lots of comments from westerners about how hard it is to make friends here, but once you do, those friends are friends for life and are the kindAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-29217517524774635982008-07-09T08:39:00.000-05:002008-07-09T08:39:00.000-05:00You know,You know,Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-13733963971297867192008-07-08T22:40:00.000-05:002008-07-08T22:40:00.000-05:00Ewe, I appreciate your comments. Cooking classes ...Ewe, I appreciate your comments. Cooking classes is something I should look into. The closest Whole Foods is [sigh] 20 miles away (it's near the temple, which is also 20 miles away). But, we do have a Central Market in the area (the most awesome grocery store in the world).<BR/><BR/><I>All those comments in the past are over and not real today. You can completely let go of it like it was a Abelard Enigmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13166049686152203530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-39853217589083580352008-07-08T22:30:00.000-05:002008-07-08T22:30:00.000-05:00I loved your story about the silence after your su...<I>I loved your story about the silence after your suggestion of sharing recipes.</I><BR/><BR/>Yeah, I suppose I kinda outed myself there. Fortunately, everyone else was probably too dense to recognize it - after all, that sort of meeting would be one of the very last places you'd expect to find a gay guy :)Abelard Enigmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13166049686152203530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-46291365504817567132008-07-08T22:09:00.000-05:002008-07-08T22:09:00.000-05:00My experience tends to be very similar - with soci...My experience tends to be very similar - with socialization centered around the church - and even then, it varies based on the current calling which puts you in different social groupings. Outside of church, it is strictly professional friendships that really are male friendships - but still professional in nature.<BR/><BR/>And if it isn't chuch or profession, it is family. And that's it...<BR/Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06159223254071653666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-36013620170094914402008-07-08T18:39:00.000-05:002008-07-08T18:39:00.000-05:00Wow. You should try out for the men's chorus. Don'...Wow. You should try out for the men's chorus. Don't worry that it seems semi-pro. We have one of these where I live; my BF is going to audition this fall. The one here has a training program that you stay in until you can join the main chorus. It's great fun and very social. Go for it.MoHoHawaiihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15086670779804942122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-21762664317119730092008-07-08T17:44:00.000-05:002008-07-08T17:44:00.000-05:00I was so like that as a kid until around college. ...I was so like that as a kid until around college. Most of the time I just didn't care during my public school years.<BR/><BR/>I do find it difficult to find something I am really interested in here in San Antonio... I did find a flag football team primarily for gay guys, but I don't know how much I will really enjoy that. We'll see.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01226208429329312021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-59783532149630201792008-07-08T17:42:00.000-05:002008-07-08T17:42:00.000-05:00you sound very sweet. Please don't think you are ...you sound very sweet. Please don't think you are the only one feeling this whether it be gay or straight men, our culture promotes isolation. It is important to share closeness and intimacy with a friend. If you are in need of one then you will have to go out and do the things you like. I know that our local Whole Foods market has cooking classes, how about yoga or bingo? If you are anythingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-13081501466880898042008-07-08T17:39:00.000-05:002008-07-08T17:39:00.000-05:00No, I'm not trying to limit my socialization to wi...No, I'm not trying to limit my socialization to within the church. My only point is that I can't count on the church to help fill this void - which is unfortunate since I can't believe I'm the only LDS guy who feels this way (gay or straight).<BR/><BR/>I tend to agree with you - it's more likely I'll find common ground with other gay guys than with straight guys. Plus, given that I live smack Abelard Enigmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13166049686152203530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4956057989227103850.post-15314018580024274442008-07-08T17:17:00.000-05:002008-07-08T17:17:00.000-05:00Is it the case that you must only socialize within...Is it the case that you must only socialize within the Church? <BR/><BR/>For example, I still think you should join your local gay hiking club. These events are nonsexual, fun and you can feel totally yourself. Believe me, this crowd won't mind if you share BBQ recipes. I don't know if your wife would be freaked out by this, but maybe she'd be more positive if you compared it to Relief Society MoHoHawaiihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15086670779804942122noreply@blogger.com