An anonymous person commented on my blog post
Love the sinner - hate the sin with the following question:
I'd like some input. I firmly believe the opposite, that homosexuality is wrong by God's standards. But I also believe that we should not judge, exactly as you have posted. That saying "love the sinner hate the sin" has always seem wrong. I agree we should all respect each other and let God judge. It's not our place. I'm willing to do that. But I still believe that homosexuality is wrong. How do I allow treat a homosexual person with the respect they want, but at the same time pass on my convictions to my children? This question may come across badly. I want to allow everyone the freedome to live their lives the way they want, but I want my convictions, that I feel deeply about to be passed to my children. How would you suggest I do this?
I believe this is a very good question - and one that deserves some thought and discussion. In fact, I invite other bloggers to post their thoughts on this topic as well.
The issue, as I see it, is how can someone maintain their conviction that homosexuality (more specifically, homosexual intimacy) is wrong - yet love and accept their homosexual family, friends, and associates? A corollary question might be: How far should that acceptance extend? For example, should you extend your love and acceptance to the homosexual partner?
I suppose an even more basic question is: Is it even possible to love and accept a homosexual while maintaining a conviction that homosexual intimacy is wrong?
I believe the answer is "yes" - it is possible - and, in fact, required by Christian teachings - to love and accept those whose lives are contrary to that which we believe to be correct. The simple fact of the matter is that we all know people who do things that we believe are wrong, dumb, or stupid. And, it goes both ways. For example, there are those who believe it is wrong for me to accept myself as a homosexual while being married to a woman; there are others who believe it is wrong for me to remain married to a woman now that I accept myself as a homosexual. And, it certainly isn't limited to sexual behavior. We may believe people are wrong because they drink alcohol, smoke, or live beyond their means. We may think people are wrong to believe in God - or not to believe in God.
Just because someone has some aspect in their lives we believe to be wrong doesn't me we can't love and accept them - even consider them a close friend. It would be a very lonely life if we only associated with those whose beliefs and actions were 100% in line with our own.
But, is there a line between what we can and cannot accept? For example, if a parent accepts their gay son who lives at home - does that mean they should allow him to bring home a different boy every night to have sex with?
A few thoughts:
First, there is a difference between
accepting and
condoning. Just because you accept a family member and/or friend as gay doesn't mean you must also condone their behavior.
Second, there is a difference between how a parent should treat a 16 year old son still in high school and a 20 year old son in college. When our children are under 18 we have a legal responsibility for them. Once they turn 18 they are legally adults - and need to be treated as such. As a parent of adult children, I've learned that while I may not agree with all of the decisions my children make - I do need to respect their decisions.
Third, we have a right to dictate what happens in our own home. For example, I know people who smoke and/or drink - but I don't allow it in my home. I do allow smokers to step outside the house to smoke on my property - I just don't want it inside the house because of the smell. But, I don't allow alcohol on my premises - either inside or out. Likewise, I think it perfectly acceptable for parents to not allow activities in their home which they believe to be wrong (e.g. sex between unmarried couples). For example, if a heterosexual son brings home a girlfriend to visit, I think it acceptable for parents to insist they sleep separate rooms - the same could be said for a gay son who brings home a boyfriend.
Fourth, we need to take into consideration the level of commitment that a gay child or friend has with their partner. For example, if a gay child/friend has a boyfriend with whom they are not living with - I think it fair to treat them the same as if they had a girlfriend to whom they were not married; that is, you could insist they not sleep in the same room in your home (even if you know they are sexually active). However, if they are in a committed monogamous relationship having gone through a ceremony of sorts to declare their commitment to one another - and would be married if it were a legal option available to them - then I think it fair and right to treat them as a married couple - even if you are morally against such unions. In the not too distant past, some considered interracial marriage as immoral - yet they still had the same rights and privileges as other married couples.
Anyway, these are my thoughts - I invite others to blog about their thoughts and ideas.
On a completely different topic, I'm really liking Mondo Guerra in this season's Project Runway; and, I think he could win this season. I like Christopher Collins too (not just because he's the cutest of the bunch), he could be the dark horse contestant. Mondo seems a bit odd (he definitely marches to his own drum); but, he's so nice and likable - you just want to give him a big hug. It's always fun to see what outfit he's going to wear next.
