Unrequited Love

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Unrequited Love by Mormon Enigma

His face illuminated me
His touch excited me
His presence assured me
But, alas, these feelings were not mutual
He liked me well enough
But, I was just friend, one of many
A friend from a previous era
A friend long forgotten
But I haven’t forgotten
He was my first true love
Can we ever forget our first love?
Even a love unrequited?

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I wrote this verse when I was reminiscing in my personal journal about a boy I knew my freshman & sophomore years in high school. He was my first crush and I loved him, although I wasn't thinking of myself as being gay at that time in my life. Kevin was the kind of guy that was popular and I was the kind of guy who was often made fun of and had few friends. Yet, Kevin was a friend to me. I enjoyed being around him. He made me feel good about myself. But, I don't think he had the same feelings for me that I had for him.

I lost track of Kevin after my sophomore year when my family moved forcing me to change high schools. But, I still thought about him. Even now I have occasional fleeting thoughts of him. I've even tried searching for him a couple of times using internet people search sites. I don't know why; I don't know what I would do if I ever found him as I'm sure he has forgotten all about me. But, I still think of him as my first true love.

The only other person I had those kinds of feelings for was the woman who ultimately became my wife. My love for her is even stronger; but, I don't think I'll ever forget Kevin.

There is kind of a funny story with Kevin. I wasn't a Mormon yet (I didn't join the LDS church until a few years later in college); however, I had obtained a Book of Mormon and was reading one day on the bus. Kevin came and sat down next to me. When he saw what I was reading, he told me that he was a Jack Mormon. I just find it kind of funny that my first crush was for a Mormon boy (albeit, an inactive one).