Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Unrequited Love by Mormon Enigma
His face illuminated me
His touch excited me
His presence assured me
But, alas, these feelings were not mutual
He liked me well enough
But, I was just friend, one of many
A friend from a previous era
A friend long forgotten
But I haven’t forgotten
He was my first true love
Can we ever forget our first love?
Even a love unrequited?
I wrote this verse when I was reminiscing in my personal journal about a boy I knew my freshman & sophomore years in high school. He was my first crush and I loved him, although I wasn't thinking of myself as being gay at that time in my life. Kevin was the kind of guy that was popular and I was the kind of guy who was often made fun of and had few friends. Yet, Kevin was a friend to me. I enjoyed being around him. He made me feel good about myself. But, I don't think he had the same feelings for me that I had for him.
I lost track of Kevin after my sophomore year when my family moved forcing me to change high schools. But, I still thought about him. Even now I have occasional fleeting thoughts of him. I've even tried searching for him a couple of times using internet people search sites. I don't know why; I don't know what I would do if I ever found him as I'm sure he has forgotten all about me. But, I still think of him as my first true love.
The only other person I had those kinds of feelings for was the woman who ultimately became my wife. My love for her is even stronger; but, I don't think I'll ever forget Kevin.
There is kind of a funny story with Kevin. I wasn't a Mormon yet (I didn't join the LDS church until a few years later in college); however, I had obtained a Book of Mormon and was reading one day on the bus. Kevin came and sat down next to me. When he saw what I was reading, he told me that he was a Jack Mormon. I just find it kind of funny that my first crush was for a Mormon boy (albeit, an inactive one).