- My blood sugar was a little high; so, I had to go in for another blood test this morning
- My cholesterol was a little high; so, I have a prescription for Zocor and have to go back in a month to be tested again
- And, I'm fat!
The blood sugar wasn't a big surprise, it's been on the upper side of 'normal' for a while now. The cholesterol is a surprise, I've never had a problem with high cholesterol (I was last tested 6 months ago). Regarding being fat, well, I knew that going into the physical. He told me that I need to exercise more and that I'm a candidate for weight loss surgery; he gave me the numbers for a couple of doctors that specialize in that area.
So, now I'm trying to decide what to do. The thing is, I'm not sure I care. Controlling of my blood sugar and cholesterol, exercising more, and losing weight would certainly give me a longer life expectancy - but, do I want to live longer? Overall, I've lived a good life. I've raised 4 children who are no longer dependent on me. I have a good life insurance policy; so, my wife would be well taken care of in the event of my untimely demise. So, perhaps, I've outlasted my usefulness.
I've had suicidal thoughts before; but, this isn't the same. I'm not thinking of ways to off myself, I'm just not sure I care if something were to happen to bring on my premature death. That's different - right? Or is it? I don't know? Does it matter? Do I care? I'm not afraid of death. Although, truthfully, I don't really know if that is because of my deep abiding faith - or because life sucks.
In any event, this isn't a suicide note. I'm not going anywhere. But, in case I suddenly, and without warning, stop posting to my blog - you'll know why. You can write my epitaph
Poor Abelard - he shouldn't have eaten that last donut