A Man of God

I taught the priesthood lesson yesterday at church.  I was given a talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf titled Continue in Patience as the basis for my lesson.  It's an easy topic to address - nothing controversial or uncomfortable for a struggling with ssa - gay - homo-queer - mormon dude like me. 

I tried to offer a different spin on the topic.  I related the story of Steven Slater (the JetBlue flight attendant who go angry with a difficult passenger and ended up exiting the plane via the emergency escape chute) as an example of someone whose anger was understandable - even justified - but who, perhaps, could have exercised a bit more patience.  I talked about how we've all encountered people like the woman passenger in question - people who think the rules are for everyone else - people whose time is more important than ours so they cut us off in lines and/or traffic.  I then used that as a jumping point to discuss how we can learn to exercise more patience when dealing with difficult people.

I felt the lesson went well.  A visitor to the quorum even came up to me after and thanked me for the lesson.  During the closing prayer, the person praying expressed gratitude for the lesson given by a 'man of god' - he referred to me as a man of god.  Although I felt good about the lesson - I felt uncomfortable being referred to as a man of god.

Now, to be sure, when I give a lesson and/or talk in church, I choose my words very carefully.  I don't say anything I'm not comfortable saying - I only say things I sincerely believe.  But, I don't think of myself as a man of god.  Heck, I'm struggling with what do I really believe anymore - do I even believe in God? I'm not as certain as I once was.  So, I feel a little guilty for maintaining a facade that some, evidently, interpret as being godly.  If they only knew of the internal struggle waging inside of me.  Shouldn't a man of god be absolutely certain in his faith?

It just makes me wonder if I've become so adept at maintaining a TBM (True Believing Mormon) facade at church that I do it without even thinking.  A rather disturbing thought as I don't want to wear a facade - I just want people to see me as I am, the real me.

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On a completely different topic, I'm really liking Mondo Guerra in this season's Project Runway; and, I think he could win this season.  I like Christopher Collins too (not just because he's the cutest of the bunch), he could be the dark horse contestant.  Mondo seems a bit odd (he definitely marches to his own drum); but, he's so nice and likable - you just want to give him a big hug.  It's always fun to see what outfit he's going to wear next.

I was glad to see Ivy Higa go last week; and, I'm hoping Gretchen Jones gets ax'd soon - but I think Gretchen will make it into the final 3.  Gretchen is just so manipulating and conniving and unlikeable.

My wife and I are also enjoying the new show Top Chef Just Desserts - it's kinda like a cross between Top Chef and Project Runway - a gay Top Chef.  Although, I did feel a tad be uncomfortable when Seth Caro had his meltdown and started crying for his mommy.  I mean seriously, I know there is a lot of stress - but you're 34 years old, get a grip on yourself.