Monday, April 27, 2009

Discombobulated

Today was my last day of work. I had an exit interview at noon where I have to sign some papers. 45 minutes later I walked out of the building for the last time with my severance check in hand, which deposited at the credit union on the way home. They took out more taxes than I expected; so, the severance check was a bit smaller than I had hoped for.

Being laid off from work has me feeling all discombobulated. And, I don't think the timing could have been any worse. I was informed that I'm being laid off the day before my daughter's wedding - and my last day at work was my first day back after my son's wedding.

I still haven't told anybody in my ward - I mean, how are you supposed to bring it up in conversation?
Them: How are you?

Me: Oh, I got laid off work, my life sucks, and I don't have any idea what my future holds - but otherwise I'm just peachy.
Plus, with conference, Easter, and being out of town for my son's wedding - there just hasn't been much of an opportunity. With traveling to and from Florida, I haven't even been in church the last two Sunday's (just got back last night).

The thing is - I really haven't enjoyed my job much for the last few years. I've tried to do the best I could - and I got good ratings at work. But the thought of finding another job doing the same thing depresses me. Unfortunately, the things I would enjoy doing don't bring in enough money to pay the bills. So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. How am I supposed to network if I don't even know what I want to do with my life going forward?

I've been working on my resume - and it's really hard trying to make my job sound interesting, exciting, and that I made a difference in the lives of others. I mean, how do you make "I wrote a design document and handed it off to a group of computer programmers in India to implement" sound interesting? It might have taken me months to come up with that design - but in retrospect, it just sounds lame. And, does anybody even care about some computer program I designed and implemented 25 years ago?

I'm feeling over loaded. I don't want to deal with any of this - I just want to shut down. I want to withdraw. I want to wrap myself in a cocoon and escape from all of this.

Maybe I should just go around blaspheming in hopes of being hit by a bolt of lightening so that my wife can collect life insurance . . .

9 comments:

Beck said...

"Maybe I should just go around blaspheming in hopes of being hit by a bolt of lightening so that my wife can collect life insurance . . ."

I don't want to hear talk of your family being better off with you dead! Please! :(

Seriously, you need to use the church network to its advantage. You are known in your stake and people know your qualities and experience. Get the word out! Some 80-90% of jobs are never posted - they are filled by somebody who knows someone who fills the bill. How is anyone going to help if you don't let them know?

Talk to your bishop, your friends, your extended family, your neighbors... get the word out!

Take a few days off and enjoy the family - especially the chance to have your family together for these weddings, and reflect on your blessings and good things in your life as well. You are blessed, even in this hellish time you're going through.

And remember you are loved by many of us out here - praying for you and routing you on!

Crisco said...

I was laid off two times in 2008. It's an absolutely terrible feeling and makes dealing with other life issues difficult at best. I've been back to work almost 6 months now. I think I'm just about starting to feel myself again.
I feel your pain. No words of consolation help. I'm not going to tell you that everything will turn out peachy. This time will be hard for you and your family.
Follow Beck's advice and be smart about finding new work. As best as you can, do try to enjoy a little bit of your time off, but I completely understand if you don't find much joy right now.
Be strong, and I'm sure many in this blog community will be praying for you.

Public Loneliness said...

Yes, what Beck said...

Now is the time to tell anyone/everyone about the work situation, you never know where your next job lead could come from and in this economy no one is going to think less of you, everyone is just about going through the same situation or knows someone who is.

Hugs, PL

Grant Haws said...

Keep your chin up, it will be okay. You should really just take a few days to chill, collect your thoughts, and decide where you want life to take you.

And Beck is right, your family is better with you, unemployed and all, than electrocuted by divinely caused lightning.

Scott said...

Another vote for getting the word out. I've NEVER gotten a job by filling out applications and sending out resumes--every job I've ever had has come (either directly or indirectly) through someone I know.

Hang in there! Before you know it you'll be looking back and feeling grateful for today, because it will be the first step to finding something better.

Alan said...

Abe: I've been where you are. Twice. It sucks, no question. Self-doubt and all the negative feelings are normal. Motivation can be seriously hard to find. I know, I've been there. I thought nothing would ever look up for me.

And here I am even so. I survived, hung in there, forced myself to take advice like you've been given here. I hated every minute of it too. But I was proud of myself afterward. If there's one thing I learned from watching my mother slowly lose her battle against encroaching illness, it is that the testing never stops till we take our very last breath. That may not be what you want to hear but it's the truth. We get breaks sometimes, but sometimes the breaks are tough. You've hit one. I know how it feels. And I know you can pick yourself up and keep going. If an inherently lazy disorganized schlub like me can do it, so can you. You've gotten some good advice above. Take it.

GeckoMan said...

Abe,
Oh how I know what you're going through! It's just tough, and there's not much more to it.

But look, moping and frustration aside, consider what's really important--congratulations on the marriage of a daughter and now a son. Your world and family are expanding!

Grégoire said...

now is exactly the time when you shouldn't wrap yourself up all cocoonish and go gently into that good night. think about capital and its role in the exploitation of workers like yourself. don't fall into the trap of judging yourself by the size of your wallet. above all, dream of a day when everyone will have enough to eat and nobody will ever be out of work again. it'll happen.

cool blog, by the way. i popped in here a few weeks ago and read some of your older articles. it was really helpful in answering some questions i had. hope you don't mind your straight brother subscribing to the feed.

Luv, G

Abelard Enigma said...

hope you don't mind your straight brother subscribing to the feed.Not at all - do you have any specific questions I can try to answer?