The Way I Am

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The Way I Am by Mormon Enigma

I don’t know why I am the way I am
I don’t know if it is an inherent trait from birth
Or the culmination of experiences from my youth
But, one thing I do know
Is that I did not choose to be this way
The choice was made for me
By forces beyond my control
Conspiring together to make me who I am
And, I must believe that there is a purpose
God would not punish one of his children thus
Therefore, it must be part of His grand design
And, if it be from God
Then I must accept who I am
For, to do otherwise
Would be an insult to God
But, what grand purpose does He have
For making me the way I am?
What is it that He would have me do?
Life is an exploration
A journey
So, as I travel down the road of life
It is up to me to discover my purpose
My reason for being
And to seize upon the very essence of my existence
So that when I return to God
He will say to me “Well done, thou good and faithful servant”
And I will spend the rest of eternity
Praising God
For making me the way I am

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I wrote this verse in my personal journal on November 9, 2006. This marks the time when I finally accepted myself as a gay man. I had reached a point where I no longer felt shame about being gay. This was a major turning point in my life and has put me on a different path than I was before; although, I don't know where this path will ultimately lead. But, I am feeling better about myself - more than I ever recall feeling before in my life.