Tuesday, December 4, 2007

I'm Mormon and I'm gay - now what?

There seems to be a lot of heated discussion in the Mormon queerosphere lately regarding how gay Mormon's should live their lives. I know I'm coming late to the party; but, I decided I would offer up my $0.02 on the subject.

For a gay man or woman in the LDS church, it all boils down to, essentially, three options
  1. Stay active in the church in a mixed orientation marriage.
  2. Stay active in the church and live a life of celibacy.
  3. Leave the church and pursue a gay relationship.

The sad truth is, each of these options suck to a certain degree. There are certain advantages to each of these, to be sure. But there are also definite disadvantages to each as well. There is no one size fits all answer that applies to everyone who is attracted to their own gender.

I'm going to blog about each of these individually.

And, I've put on my asbestos suit - let the flaming begin!


Jake said...

I've also encountered some people out there pursuing a fourth option, including one of my female BYU professors, although it seems by far the most difficult of all:

4. Remain an active, temple-worthy LDS member while living in a celibate same-sex relationship that involves a roommate-type home setup.

I'm not sure how well this one is received, but I've known of at least three different couples in Provo whose relationships are based on this "best friends" model. I can only imagine it would be torture, at best.

Abelard Enigma said...

I don't believe celibacy precludes having an intimate, non-sexual relationship. Read my blog post titled Option 2 - celibacy and tell me if you still think there is a 4th option.

Jake said...

Your post on celibacy is thorough and excellent.

I guess, to me, the word celibate still implies single. Those I know of in sex-free relationships still engage in mild physical intimacy and a deep emotional intimacy that it doesn't seem right to describe completely as "celibacy."

Then again, perhaps you've created an entirely new brand of celibacy with your thoughts--one that coincides with how others define it. I'm wondering now how church leaders or others who throw out celibacy as an option think about the sex-free relationship as falling under this umbrella. :)