I'm also feeling apathetic. My wife suggested that, perhaps, we should look into joining a dulcimer group. We tried once before, but our kids were younger and it just wasn't practical at that point in our lives. But, now I'm just "whatever" - I haven't even played my hammer dulcimer in months - and I have no motivation to do so.
Maybe I'm depressed - oh wait, I already knew that - that's what my antidepressants are for.
I sometimes wonder if I think about being gay too much. But, how can I not think about it when I have these feelings inside of me? However I can't act on those feelings because to do so requires me to betray those who are closest to me - which I won't do (at least, I hope I never do). Intellectually I keep telling myself that gay intimacy is wrong - so why it doesn't feel wrong? Am I destined to be forever sexually frustrated?
Maybe I should just stop taking my cholesterol and blood pressure meds and start living on a diet of donuts and bacon cheeseburgers - just see where it takes me. I'm not being suicidal, I don't want to kill myself - I'm just not caring much whether I live or die.
I noticed blogger added a feature where you can schedule a blog post to publish in the future. I was thinking that, maybe, I should write a farewell post and schedule it 6 months into the future. As long as I keep blogging I could keep moving the date out. But if I ever decide to ... you know ... check out ... then eventually every one will know - all 5 of you. This could be my epitaph
Here lies AbelardI guess what it all comes down to is I'm feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self pity.
He was a social retard
A group from the Gay Christian Network are getting together on Saturday in Dallas for dinner and a movie. I kinda want to go - but I'm scared at the same time. What if they don't like me? What if I'm the oldest guy there? Me and a bunch of 20-somethings would be awkward - for everyone. What if my wife is upset about me going to see WALL-E without her? Plus - it would require me to break up my pity party.