Friday, July 25, 2008
First visit with the shrink
I had my first visit with a clinical psychologist today. He really did have a couch in his office, although it was a normal couch, like you might have in a home - not one of those funny looking couches as seen in cartoons. How did we come to associate those funny couches with psycho analysis? Anyway, I didn't lay on the couch, I just sat on it.
He started off asking me some questions about growing up, my family, my relationships, history of depression in my family, etc. As he was finishing up his questions I then said "there is, um, one more thing that might be pertinent for you to know. About two years ago this fall, I finally ended years of denial and accepted the fact that I am gay." I can't believe I did it - I actually said the g-word. It's one thing to write it in an anonymous blog - it's an entirely different matter to say it out loud to some guy you never met before. And, I was OK with it, I didn't choke on it. I wasn't saying "I'm g-g-g-g-gay." I simply said "I'm gay."
We talked about that for a bit. I told him that I've never had a relationship outside of my marriage, that I've always been faithful to my wife.. We talked about my wife and how she is handling it. I told him that I want to remain married and that I'm OK with being gay. I recounted how it used to bother me and I hated myself for it - now it's just part of who I am. I told him that just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to go out and have sex, that fidelity in marriage is important to me. And then we moved on.
Bottom line, he wants to try a combination of cognitive therapy and talk therapy. He said that the particular antidepressants I am on do not help with serotonin levels; so, cognitive therapy can help boost serotonin. He also said that, since I am the type of person who tends to hold things in - which can have a negative effect on depression and anxiety levels - then talk therapy can help with that.
So, that's about it - I setup my next appointment in a week, paid my $15 copay, and then came home.
... Changing the subject ... I don't know why, but todays Dilbert reminded me of the queerosphere :)