Saturday, December 19, 2009

Three year anniversary

Today marks the three year anniversary of my very first blog post. On December 19th, 2006 at 7:48pm I published my very first post.  I started with
To be honest, I've never understood blogging. Why do some people post intimate details of their lives for everyone to see? And why to other people read blogs? Yet, I find myself reading blogs, and now I am writing my own blog.
So, how have I progressed over the last three years?
  • I finally accepted myself as queer after a lifetime of denial; although, to be fair, that happened a few weeks before I started this blog.
  • I donned the "Abelard" persona. I didn't start this blog Abelard - that name was later bestowed upon me by a family member - and it just sorta stuck.
  • I shared with my wife that I'm gay shortly after starting this blog
  • I've made new friends (albeit e-friends)
  • My support for GLBT issues, such as gay marriage, has evolved. I started this journey supporting the granting of marriage-like rights but not calling it marriage. Now I'm firmly in the gay marriage camp.
  • I've evolved (or devolved) from TBM (True Believing Mormon) to QM (Questioning Mormon)
What hasn't changed over the last 3 years?
  • I'm still faced with the question: So I'm a homosexual - now what???
Other changes I've seen in the past 3 years
  • I've witnessed changes in others during this 3 year period, sometimes dramatically - from active church membership to being in a relationship (of the gay sort) and, to a far lesser extent, the other direction (return to active membership).
  • I've seen the LDS church abandon it's long standing policy of staying out of politics and being instrumental in overturning gay marriage in California. To be fair, this was not the first foray into politics for the LDS church - but it is certainly the most extensive in living memory. That, coupled with their support of a gay rights ordinance in SLC, makes me wonder if this is the beginning of a new era for the LDS church? Is the church going to start being more outspoken on political issues? Will it extend beyond gay rights?
So, what does the future hold for me?
  • My current status with the LDS church is very unstable - one way or the other it will resolve itself. As to what that resolution will be, which side of the fence I will eventually choose, is anybodies guess (I certainly don't know).
  • I continue to inch my way out of my closet. When I started this journey I was firmly entrenched in my closet with full intention of staying that way; but, unexpectedly, my closet has gotten stuffy. Where I used to go to painful extremes to protect my true identity, I've become more lax. For example, 40% of my Facebook friends are MoHo's - sharing my friend page with my family, members of my ward, and others.  This may seem like a tiny insignificant baby step - but it's big to me, especially in light of where I was 3 years ago.
It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions the last 3 years - ranging from being gay and proud to cursing god for placing this burden on me.  I don't know what the next year has in store for me (hopefully a job); but, one thing I am sure of is that it will be full of twists and turns.

3 comments:

Beck said...

Happy Anniversary!

I, for one, am grateful for the last three years for they have brought you into my life.

I have seen an evolution in you... and for the most part it has been very positive. You have come to terms with many issues and have come to embrace who you are. You have involved your wife to the degree she is willing, to come along for the ride into your self-awareness, and that's been mostly positive as well.

May you continue to blog. May you continue to share. May you continue to grow as you take this journey out of the closet and into the great unknown. May you come to be the best that you are and the best that you can be.

As a fellow MOHO who has personally met you, hugged you, held you, may I say thank you for being you!

J G-W said...

Regardless of whatever progress or change you've made, you're voice in the gay Mormon blogging world has made a huge difference. You're a person with an incredible heart, and you're willing to ask uncomfortable questions and talk and support and comfort your brothers and sisters struggling with these issues. You do it in a way that is kind, courageous and non-judgmental. That's a blessing.

Thanks for being there..!

Bravone said...

Happy Anniversary and Merry Christmas Abe!