Friday, June 15, 2007

Dating

The Lord has made us attractive one to another for a great purpose. But this very attraction becomes as a powder keg unless it is kept under control.
President Gordon B. Hinckley

Related to my blog topic about kissing, is it possible for two gay people of the same gender to date while maintaining a platonic relationship? Personally I believe it is. The problem arises when it is viewed as unacceptable in the environment where they live. This forces them to seek out companionship in secret which invites temptation. A heterosexual couple would face similar temptations if they were forced to keep their relationship secret.

If platonic dating is considered acceptable, should it be non-exclusive? Or are exclusive relationships acceptable? What are the boundaries in such a relationship? Can it include things like:
  • Hand holding
  • Hugging
  • Cuddling
  • Kissing
  • Sleep overs
If platonic dating is not considered acceptable then what about hanging out together? What is the difference between dating and hanging out? At what point does hanging out become dating?

Commence commenting ...

10 comments:

playasinmar said...

Dating should be as acceptable for gays as it is for everyone else. If the church forces gays to keep hiding then how can it be surprised when the law of chastity is broken?

Force any two young people together in secret where they have no one to answer to and it happens every time.

The church has condemned us to celibacy but given no tools, advice, nor support to make it possible.

Abelard Enigma said...

I don't know that I agree with condemned us to celibacy; but, I do agree that there is a dearth of information to help those who are in that situation. That is the motivating factor for this series of blog posts - to help fill that void.

The restoration of the gospel did not begin with the first vision, it began when Joseph Smith went to the Lord with a question. It is foolish for us to expect to receive unsolicited inspired direction. That is why I believe it is important to have these types of discussions, especially controversial topics like dating and kissing between gay people, so that the right questions are being asked.

Tito said...

If "dating" is an inherently romantic experience, than it's likely not appropriate for someone wanting to maintain gospel standards. If it's not, then I would assume it's an entirely appropriate activity, given it's engaged in with proper motive. I tend to define dating more broadly.

See The Man Date

Abelard Enigma said...

The Man Date, I like that! Although, we'll have to come up with our own rules. For instance, this one mentioned in the article you referenced probably doesn't apply :)

... if a woman enters the picture, a man can drop his buddies, last minute, no questions asked.

Tito said...

Yeah, some revision may be necessary. :)

Sean said...

i love this post and the link to the "man date".

i've done a few of those and didn't even know it. and had fun too. LOL

although going to dinner with cello music, candles and white table cloth wouldnt bother me either. i might have to suggest that at my next Man Date. LOL to be honest it would bother me to split a dessert either. :-)

Kengo Biddles said...

Hanging out, to me, is enjoying the company of one's friends with no romantic/sexual interest.

Dating, to me, implicitly suggests romantic/sexual interest.

For that reason, I don't think Moho's should date. Hanging out? Absolutely.

I've shared smoothies with AtP, I've had lunch with Another Favorite Moho of mine, and I see nothing wrong because there is no ulterior motive other than hanging out with someone who is like minded.

If you want to call these meetings dates in your vernacular, that's all well and good, but I think that anything beyond hanging out and talking pushes the line.

Unless one of the people meeting is under severe distress and just needs a hug, I think that a greeting and parting hug with occasional touches (à l'européene), and even a beeze if you're that closes is okay. But for me, anything more, snuggling, cuddling, spooning, handholding (outside that distress idea) is on or over the line for me.

But that's me. That's my rules.

Abelard Enigma said...

But that's me. That's my rules.

Of course, you are married, so the rules are different. What about for single people who are committed to a life of celibacy? Is there no room for some sort of platonic intimacy?

BTW, what is a beeze?

Kengo Biddles said...

Abelard Enigma said...
>But that's me. That's my rules.
Of course, you are married, so the rules are different. What about for single people who are committed to a life of celibacy? Is there no room for some sort of platonic intimacy?


Abe, these would be my rules if I was single. Until I met and married Miki it was what I expected for my Post-Helga life. I've seen too many people I love act like the "Poky Little Puppy."

In that story, rather than accepting the spirit of the law, the Poky Puppy was literal. "Well, Mother didn't say we couldn't go AROUND the fence..." (substitute any preposition here.)

My point is, doing things with other guys as a Moho that straight guys would do with girls they are dating/courting is ASKING for morality trouble.

A hug is fine, so long as there's no sexual feeling behind it. A brotherly kiss (see below) is fine. More than that? I hear Robbie the Robot screaming on and on and on.

BTW, what is a beeze?

It's actually la bise which means the French cheek kissy thing.

And as for what Tito calls the Man Date, I'm all for it! I think it's great to sit and talk that way. I've done it with my friend Ted and others, and as long as you're not looking for "the hookup" or to find some sort of sexual-frustration-release, Sure. Go for it.

Really what I'm saying is don't do anything that would put you in a position to break the law of chastity.

Abelard Enigma said...

Really what I'm saying is don't do anything that would put you in a position to break the law of chastity.

That's the whole point of these discussions: To try to identify what can be done without resulting in temptations break any commandments.