Friday, December 19, 2008

2 years and counting

To be honest, I've never understood blogging. Why do some people post intimate details of their lives for everyone to see? And why to other people read blogs? Yet, I find myself reading blogs, and now I am writing my own blog.
That is what I wrote on December 19, 2006 in my introductory blog post.

It is hard to believe that it's been two whole years since I first started blogging. I had only recently accepted myself as gay. I began searching the internet desperately looking for other people like me - gay Mormon's who were still active in the church. I had found and joined the q-saints yahoo discussion group, but was discouraged because it seemed so many of the people had not only left the church, but had very negative feelings towards the church. I was starting to think I was some sort of freak of nature.

Then someone posted to the group who expressed views similar to my own - views which prompted some negative objections to his opinions. On December 14, 2006, I sent him a private email telling him that I, for one, agreed with his comments. This led to a brief but momentous email exchange. He shared with me that he also blogged and gave me his blog address. And, then he audaciously suggested I consider doing the same.

I read his blog with rapt attention. His blog linked to other blogs which, in turn, linked to yet more blogs - at last I had found what I had so desperately been looking for - I had found other people like me. I was no longer a freak of nature. Not all blogs were by people still active in the church, but those who had left the church behind were respectful of those who were still in the church. I had been a stranger in a strange land - and now I found my long lost home. It was like finding a family I never knew I had.

I spent hours reading through these blogs, soaking everything in like a sponge. And then I did the unthinkable - I actually started considering creating my own blog. You see, before this, I didn't have anything to do with the blogging world. I didn't read blogs and certainly would have never in a million years thought that I, one day, would have a blog. I couldn't understand how people could divulge such personal information in such a public media - and I couldn't understand why they thought their lives were so interesting that others would want to read about it. I also couldn't understand why people would then read those blogs - it almost amounted to voyeurism in my mind.

But, here I am, two years later. My whole perception of blogging has been forever altered. And, I owe it all to one man - a man who dared to post an unpopular view on q-saints.

So, who is this mysterious blogger? Who is this person who got me started as a blogger? None other than the great and wonderful -L-.

-L- doesn't blog so much these days - and I, for one, miss his words of wisdom. But I understand, there is a time and a season for everything. Maybe it's time for him to move on with his life. Maybe one day it'll be time for me to move on with my life.

But, for now, hats off to -L-


Mike said...

I feel that my journey to blogging has been somewhat similar. I was introduced to 'normal' blogging, and after considering creating a 'normal' blog of my own, I searched to see if there were any other mormons like me on the net.

You see, I used to google 'gay mormon' a couple times a month, but never found anything that interested me and my progression.

At first when I searched the blogs for 'gay mormons' I didn't find anything that matched the kind of progression that I wanted to make. Not until I stumbled upon John Galt's blog was I impressed by the journey a blog could help a person make.

Then and there I started, and though I post in sporadic spurts, I know where my family is.

Amanda said...

I'm glad you're here. You've introduced me to a tons of people I'd never have known otherwise, and I appreciate it. :) Happy blogoversary.

Beck said...

Abe... I hate to be the one to tell you, but you still are (as am I) a "freak of nature"...

-L- remains for me a key figure and hero in every sense of those words. I take my hat off to him as well, and to all the early stalwarts who encouraged me to embrace this community.

Two years is a long time for you... I will soon hit three years, and I too wonder why I do this, why I share very intimate and personal details of my life for the cyberspace to stew and chew on, while many of these details remain private to those who know me. Is it for comeradarie? Is it for popularity? Is it simply to feel less of a freak? Is it because I need to feed an unresolved need for drama in my life? Is it that I need a voice where there is none?

So, why do you blog? Why do you continue to blog? What have you learned from blogging? These are questions inquiring minds want to know....

Z i n j said...

Some interesting questions are posed here. This is my take on the metamorphis. Our perspectives and quests may all be different...but our search is the same. We find that our church of which we deeply revere doesn't have a place for us at the table of Christ. We wonder why? We also have no voice or little at best. Our institution struggles itself to fully explain who we are and where we fit. We search for others with this common life hope of answers but instead find support and survival tactics as our paths play out.

Philip said...

Abe: To be honest, I've never understood blogging. Why do some people post intimate details of their lives for everyone to see? And why do other people read blogs?

I posted something similar on my blog:

"I have often wondered why when I have a problem that I have to talk it out with others before the problem becomes real and I can sort it out...

So one morning I asked my daughter "Why, why, why?" over omelets and hash browns at First Watch, a local eatery.

Actually what I said was why do I have to say it out loud before the problem becomes real.

Without missing a beat, she said because when you say it out loud you can feel the emotion that goes with it."

Maybe you blog for the same reason I talk to others - to feel the emotion that goes with the problem.

Because with some problems you need the emotion to fully define the problem.

And why do others read blogs?

Maybe to help or validate or share or connect or learn or all of the above.


Samantha said...

I miss him too. He's my superhero. It's not easy fighting my own battles while he's pretending to be a doctor as his alter-ego.

Bravone said...

I went searching just like you did and stumbled upon Forester's blog and followed links. I never dreamed I would start my own. Reading others blogs and writing my own has helped me to understand myself better and has dramatically improved my life.