That's not me!
I probably shouldn't admit it. But, when people find out I'm a Mormon, more than likely it elicits responses like "Really?" and "Seriously, you're kidding, right?" Although I am an active member of the church; I hold a leadership calling in my ward; but I have never quite fit very well into the Perfect Mormon mold.
- I'm probably disheveled in my dress . When I was standing in the gay line in the preexistance, they must have run out of that fashion sense talent when I got to the front of the line. In my world, comfort trumps fashion.
- More than likely my hair is a tad too long. I hate getting haircuts - it is so boring. Mind you, my hair is very curly, so think afro. Although, as I get up in years, and the top of my head is thinning, it is starting to take on a look more reminiscent of Bozo the Clown.
- More than likely there will be a can of diet coke sitting sitting near me
- While I'm generally considered a very patient person, I am highly intolerant of stupid people (and smart people who do stupid things). You may hear me refer to them with names like "dog turd."
- If we are traveling together on business and you decide to stop for a drink at the hotel bar, I'll likely join you (and order a club soda with a twist of lime).
- At Halloween, if work permits employees to wear costumes to work, I may show up in my Star Trek captains uniform (Next Generation style), or my clown costume, or perhaps my punk rocker outfit.
- Although I'm not effeminate in any way, I probably get along better with the women in the office than I do the other men - often joining them in conversations about babies, shopping, etc.
- If there is a potluck at work, As the other men sign up to bring things like drinks and paper plates, I'll likely bring some gourmet dish that I spent hours preparing. I'll ask for recipes of other dishes that I liked and will share my recipe with anyone who asks.
- If other men start talking to me about sports, I'll stare at them with a blank look. I may even ask "is that's the game with the big round ball or the funny shaped ball? Is there a stick involved?"
- If someone starts telling an off color joke, unless it's really raunchy, I'll probably stick around to hear it - and may even laugh (if it's funny). If it's really funny, I might even go home and share it with my wife (although, she seldom finds them as funny as I do).
- You'll know that I consider you a close friend if I fart and belch in front of you.
- I don't swear at all, even when under stress. Often people notice this and start to apologize if they accidentally let a word slip out in my presence.
- I'm obviously a family man and talk endlessly about my wife and children.
- ... and then there's ... well um ... dang it, I'm sure I have other redeeming qualities - just can't think of any right now ...