Thursday, July 26, 2007

More about me

Imagine, if you will, a man in a workplace. He is well dressed and clean cut. The other workers, none of whom are LDS, just found out that this man is an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.. The news evokes responses like "I knew there was something different about you" and "you have that look about you."

That's not me!

I probably shouldn't admit it. But, when people find out I'm a Mormon, more than likely it elicits responses like "Really?" and "Seriously, you're kidding, right?" Although I am an active member of the church; I hold a leadership calling in my ward; but I have never quite fit very well into the Perfect Mormon mold.

  • I'm probably disheveled in my dress . When I was standing in the gay line in the preexistance, they must have run out of that fashion sense talent when I got to the front of the line. In my world, comfort trumps fashion.
  • More than likely my hair is a tad too long. I hate getting haircuts - it is so boring. Mind you, my hair is very curly, so think afro. Although, as I get up in years, and the top of my head is thinning, it is starting to take on a look more reminiscent of Bozo the Clown.
  • More than likely there will be a can of diet coke sitting sitting near me
  • While I'm generally considered a very patient person, I am highly intolerant of stupid people (and smart people who do stupid things). You may hear me refer to them with names like "dog turd."
  • If we are traveling together on business and you decide to stop for a drink at the hotel bar, I'll likely join you (and order a club soda with a twist of lime).
  • At Halloween, if work permits employees to wear costumes to work, I may show up in my Star Trek captains uniform (Next Generation style), or my clown costume, or perhaps my punk rocker outfit.
  • Although I'm not effeminate in any way, I probably get along better with the women in the office than I do the other men - often joining them in conversations about babies, shopping, etc.
  • If there is a potluck at work, As the other men sign up to bring things like drinks and paper plates, I'll likely bring some gourmet dish that I spent hours preparing. I'll ask for recipes of other dishes that I liked and will share my recipe with anyone who asks.
  • If other men start talking to me about sports, I'll stare at them with a blank look. I may even ask "is that's the game with the big round ball or the funny shaped ball? Is there a stick involved?"
  • If someone starts telling an off color joke, unless it's really raunchy, I'll probably stick around to hear it - and may even laugh (if it's funny). If it's really funny, I might even go home and share it with my wife (although, she seldom finds them as funny as I do).
  • You'll know that I consider you a close friend if I fart and belch in front of you.
Mind you, I do have some redeeming qualities
  • I don't swear at all, even when under stress. Often people notice this and start to apologize if they accidentally let a word slip out in my presence.
  • I'm obviously a family man and talk endlessly about my wife and children.
  • ... and then there's ... well um ... dang it, I'm sure I have other redeeming qualities - just can't think of any right now ...


J G-W said...

Brilliant! I'm going to smile about this post all day long.

Kengo Biddles said...

1) Haircuts -- that's why I keep mine buzzed short. If it gets longer than 1/2" I look like a koala.

2) Fashion -- I would be a fashionista, but $$ and fat contribute to an utter lack thereof in my life.

3) Somehow the captain's uniform is less out there than my zombie or klingon costume (and headgear.)

And I think your redeeming qualities trump, so you win in my book. :)

Sean said...


oh, am i.

that alone should the #1 redeeming feature. :-)

Abelard Enigma said...

Somehow the captain's uniform is less out there than my ... klingon costume

You have a Klingon costume??? We definitely have to get together sometime!!! But, you have to promise to come dressed as a Klingon! We could then talk about who we think are the hottest guys in the Star Trek universe :)

Abelard Enigma said...


That's Trekie SIR!

BTW, I'm also a Whovian. I've been to more Doctor Who conventions than I have Star Trek conventions. In fact, I have autographed photos of two of the doctor's that I saw at conventions (John Pertwee and Colin Baker).

... that's probably more about me then you wanted to know :)

MoHoHawaii said...

Makeover!!! OMG!!!

I had long hair for a while but now I've gone short... almost missionary short. Short hair looks better as you get older. Try it out.

Do you go to the gym and work out? I think weight training is a must for everyone over 40. It makes you feel better and keeps your muscles from atrophying. Don't expect a big change in appearance (like 20 year olds get by working out), but you'll feel a big difference in strength, flexibility and mood.

playasinmar said...

Ok, so you have the uniform... but what rank?

Kengo Biddles said...

{geeky}I have two (technically 3) klingon costumes. So, yes, I could wear one.

For that matter, I could wear my 18 foot long authentic patternM Dr. Who scarf that Miki spent the better part of two years knitting for me.

Sean said...

well if we're going to talk of costumes. my wonderful wife is a professional theatrical costumer. You name it she'll make it!

we should all get together for a cosutme party!

Abelard Enigma said...

we should all get together for a costume party!

that's kind of gay
[slaps forehead] doh!