by Mary Ann Horton, Lisa and Bill Koontz (with apologies to Dr. Seuss.)
Click to hear a reading by Blake Williams.Every Gay down in Gayville liked Gay Marriage a lot......
But the Grinch, who lived just east of Gayville, did NOT!!
The Grinch hated happy Gays! The whole Marriage season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, his Florsheims were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all was
His heart and brain were two sizes too small.
"And they're buying their tuxes!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow's the first Gay Wedding! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Gay Marriage from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew... All the Gay girls and boys
would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their vows!
And then! Oh, the Joys! Oh, the Joys!
And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Gay down in Gayville the tall and the small,
would stand close together, all happy and blissing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Gays would start kissing!
"I MUST stop Gay Marriage from coming! ...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he went to his closet, grabbed his sheet and his hood.
And he chuckled, and clucked, with a great Grinchy word!
"With this beard and this cross, I look just like our Lord!"
"All I need is a Scripture..." The Grinch looked around.
But, true Scripture is scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said,
"With no Scripture on Marriage, I'll fake one instead!"
"It's one man and one woman," the Grinch falsely said.
Then he broke in the courthouse. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Georgie could do it, then so could the Grinch.
The little Gay benefits hung in a row.
"These bennies," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most uncanny,
around the whole room, and he took every benny!
Health care for partners! Doctors for kiddies!
Tax rights! Adoptions! Pensions and Wills!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, with a chill,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, in his bill.
Then he slunk to the kitchen, and stole Wedding Cake.
He cleaned out that icebox and made it look straight.
He took the Gay-bar keys! He took the Gay Flag.
Why, that Grinch even took their last Gay birdseed bag!
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will pocket their Rings."
And the Grinch grabbed the Rings, and he started to shove
when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and off flew his hood.
Little Lisa-Bi Gay behind him sadly stood.
The Grinch had been caught by small Lisa-Bi.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "My, oh, my, why?"
"Why are you taking our Wedding Rings? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Shepherd sneered,
"The judges are evil, the other states weird."
"I'll fix the rings there and I'll bring them back here."
It was quarter past dawn... All the Gays, still a-bed,
all the Gays still a-snooze when he packed up and fled.
"Pooh-Pooh to the Gays!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now no Gay Marriage is coming!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
then the Gays down in Gayville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"
He stared down at Gayville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Gay down in Gayville, the tall and the small,
was kissing! Without any bennies at all!
He HADN'T stopped Marriage from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came without lawyers, no papers to sort!"
"It came without licenses, came without courts!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Marriage," he thought, "doesn't come from the court.
Maybe Marriage...perhaps... comes right from the heart.
Maybe Marriage comes from all the words the Gays say.
Words like Husband, like Wedding, and Spouse who is Gay."
And what happened then...? Well...in Gayville they say
that the Grinch's small brain grew three sizes that day!
And the Gays had their Weddings. They promised for life.
They swore to be faithful, to Wife and her Wife.
The Husbands were happy, to each other they vowed
To be Out and be Honest, be Gay and be Proud.
They told all their neighbors and friends of their Spouse,
They told of their Marriage and sharing their house.
They said "We got Married." They shouted it loud.
Their marital status was "Married and Proud."
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light.
And he brought back the rings, cake and Gay birdseed bags!
And he... ...HE HIMSELF... hung the Gay Rainbow Flag!
...
The Lord looked down, at the proud and the tall,
and said "These are my children, and I love them all."
The moral of this story is that we don't need a piece of paper and the approval of the state to get married. We can just get married. Instead of having a commitment ceremony, we can have a wedding. Instead of partners, we can have husbands and wives. Instead of calling our relationship a Domestic Partnership or a Civil Union, we can call it a Marriage. Whether any government recognizes it is separate from what we call it. It's a free country and we can call ourselves what we like.
In 5 or 10 or 20 years, with plenty of visible same-sex married couples, the world won't see us as strange or scary, we're just the married couple down the street that happens to be gay. Eventually, the legal recognition of our marriages will follow.
If we allow ourselves to voluntarily sit in the back of the bus, we'll never make any progress. Rosa Parks had to sit in the front of the bus to make a difference. We must as well.
Copyright (c) 2004 by
Mary Ann Horton. Permission granted to copy in whole, with attribution.
This is a parody of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."
Link
There is still one more Sunday in November to wear the official MoHo uniform to church. I'll leave the poll up through December 3rd.
Or, at least we thought we would have two turkeys to feed the masses - until our dog got to one of them
We made do with one turkey - and now we don't have any turkey leftovers - and a house full of company whom we were planning on feeding with said leftovers. We have stuffing, gravy, but no turkey.
The truth of the matter is, I'm really not very gay in my everyday real life. I love Home Depot; I have a collection of power tools (and I know how to use them); I don't go around ranting about gay rights, proposition, 8, or anything else gay related. If you were to meet me, unbeknownst of who I am - I doubt I would set off your gaydar - well except, perhaps, if you met me in the theater when I went to see High School Musical 3 :)
Nebraska has amended it's 'Safe Haven' law which allows an unwanted child to be dropped off at a hospital - no questions asked. It seems when they first drafted the law they failed to put in an age limit - and people were driving to Nebraska from all over the country to drop off their children - some as old as 17 years - the last being a 14 year old boy from California. It adds a whole new threat to a parents repertoire - "If you don't shape up - we're going to Nebraska!"
Apparently, Mattel got itself in hot water with fundamentalist Christians because of their Little Mommy Cuddle 'n Coo dolls which allegedly says (depending upon who you talk to) either "Allah is light" or "Satan is right". Mind you, the doll doesn't actually say any real words, it babbles and coos (supposedly like a real baby), and some of these sounds have been interpreted to be sending an evil subliminal message to America's children - yes, those same children who have been targeted by the evil homosexuals who are out to convert their children.
And the people who are complaining - are the same people who supported proposition 8 in California.
Welcome to my family - this comic is now hanging on our fridge.
I happened to come across a blog post where the blogger was exploring the question "Can Testimony Exist While Opposing Prop. 8?" I'm not trying to pick on this particular blogger - I only use it to illustrate a view that seems to be widely held across the LDS church.
When I first joined the church, women were not allowed to say prayers in sacrament meeting - it was viewed as a priesthood responsibility. Yet, the very idea of that in today's environment seems ludicrous. Was that a doctrinal change? Did God take a priesthood responsibility and make it a responsibility for all saints - men and women? Or did our understanding of the doctrine of prayer and priesthood responsibility evolve such that the brethren concluded that praying in sacrament meeting was not the sole responsibility of the priesthood? And is it mere coincidence that this change happened in the midst of sweeping changes throughout society regarding women's rights?
The answer, of course, is a resounding "No!" So, if it wasn't about morality then what was it all about? The purpose of proposition 8 was to remove the rights of same sex couples to marry one another. And, yes it was removing rights because they had those rights in California on November 3rd and lost them on November 4th. And, when you are dealing with rights then it is, by definition, a 'civil rights' issue. On November 4th the voters in California passed, by a very narrow margin, a constitutional amendment removing the right of all Californians to marry someone of their same gender. It is not a right that was only applicable to a subset of the population - it is a right that is no longer available to all residents of California, one that would likely only be exercised by the gay population. Just because someone chooses to not exercise a right doesn't mean they don't have the right. As an adult male over 21, I have the right to consume alcohol - I choose not to, but that doesn't mean I don't have the right. And, I can choose to not consume alcohol on grounds of my religious beliefs while supporting the rights of others to imbibe to their hearts content.
Apparently, some in the queerosphere were not aware of the official MoHo uniform - a blue shirt and green tie, as depicted here and here. Well, now that the cat's out of the bag, so to speak, I have an idea. Let's all wear it to church on some Sunday in November. And, if you feel so inclined, post a picture on your blog (headless is OK), or send it to me and I'll post it here. Then return and report via the poll on the rightIt is my understanding that a marriage license simply acknowledges and recognizes a commitment 2 people have made to each other. It recognizes what already is. Just like a government birth certificate or death certificate does. A government birth certificate doesn't give someone permission to be born; it legally recognizes that someone has been born. A government death certificate doesn't give somebody permission to die; it legally acknowledges that someone has already died.
Protesting at LDS temples across California and elsewhere
Like it or not - whether we accept it or not - the GLBT community is a force to be reckoned with. Many businesses already recognize this. They are not offering heath benefits to same sex couples out of the goodness of their hearts - they are doing it because they do not want to incur the wrath of the GLBT community. The business world recognizes that the GLBT community is not a bunch of effeminate men carrying placards and throwing a fit in the streets. It is doctors, lawyers, CEO's, and other people in positions of authority and power. To ignore the GLBT community is bad business. To be labeled a 'gay hater' could lead to business death.
Will the protests and angry rhetoric against the LDS church die down? Probably. Emotions are high right now. The GLBT community needs to vent their frustration - and the LDS church is on the receiving end. But, we should not fool ourselves into thinking that, eventually, the GLBT community will forgive and forget. The dragon has turned - and it has focused it's gaze directly on Temple Square in Salt Lake City, Utah. The rallying at LDS temples will eventually stop - the protesting will eventually die down. But the anger at the LDS church is here to stay. And, eventually, that anger will turn away from rally's, boycotts, and protests - which are largely exercises in futility. Civil rights has come a long way since the 60's. Effective ways of achieving their goals have been fine tuned over the years. And now, those years of experience and practice will be put to use in finding ways to really hurt the LDS church and prevent it from being as powerful of a political force in future battles.
In the end, will the hurt the LDS church? In the big picture, probably not. The LDS church itself is also a force to be reckoned with in its own right. It has proven this in California. Also, Mormon culture thrives on persecution. Being attacked by the evil gays can be seen as a badge of honor. While it will undoubtedly drive some away from the church, it may also attract those who hold similar views.
The election is finally over! A new president was selected by the people. He isn't the man I voted for - but I will accept and support him as the president of my country. The people voted for change. Only time will tell if Obama will accomplish the changes he campaigned for - and if the people will be satisfied with the changes.
Many have been hurt by the involvement of the LDS church in the proposition 8 campaign - particularly those who live in California and were subjected to anti-gay rhetoric in their church meetings. Sadly, this probably did not end yesterday as it will likely be a subject of conversation for weeks to come with in-you-face smugness; but, it will, hopefully, die down with time.
My heart goes out for those who are directly impacted by this decision. Gay culture is seen by many as one of promiscuity, drugs, and a generally hedonistic lifestyle. But not all gays buy into this culture; in fact, many want to distance themselves and simply want what their heterosexual counterparts already have and take for granted - and now that has been taken away from them.
by Mary Ann Horton, Lisa and Bill Koontz (with apologies to Dr. Seuss.)
