"if you have been depending on this virtual community for a long time then my guess is that the support and validation you receive from this community may no longer be enough."John added
"this is the price of the closet. This is why the closet destroys us."But MoHoHawaii pointed out
the problem in Abelard's case is that he would bring his wife out of the closet with him and disclose his sexuality to his children. The decision to come out is not entirely his.He is right, the decision to come out is not mine alone to make. To be honest, sometimes I almost wish I were "outed" so that the decision is made for me. But, while I think I would be mostly OK with it, I expect it would devastate my wife.
Plus, I'm not sure I'd recommend destabilizing one's social support system during a job crisis.
The job situation is also worthy of consideration. Especially since I am working towards becoming certified as a teacher - and I work in a state whose job discrimination laws do not include sexual orientation. A gay teacher - even a gay celibate one - might not be looked on too favorably in this reddest of red state that I live in.
The truth of the matter is, it's really a matter of "when" rather than "if" I'm coming out of my closet. But, the time has to be right - and I'm not so sure now is the right time.
In the mean time, while I am remote from other gay Mormon's, I'm not remote from gay culture. I live near Dallas which has it's own gayborhood. Dallas is also home to the Cathedral of Hope church, which claims to be, the largest GLBT congregation in the world. But, I don't know how much good that does me. I've met with local members of the Gay Christian Network a few times. I've even gone to lunch a couple of times with members of the local chapter of Affirmation. But, I don't know how to initiate such interactions. Truth is, I always feel a little out of place - It seems like I'm always the oldest person, the only person in a MOM, the only one still active in church, whatever. What's social retard like me to do?
For those of you who have come out of the closet - you have my deepest admiration for your courage. When it comes down to it, I'm really quite a coward and I avoid confrontation. Unfortunately, coming out brings with it possible confrontation.
On a more positive note, since I started down the path of alternative certification for teaching, my wife has noted that I seem much happier and have a more positive outlook on life. So, I guess it's not all doom and gloom for me.