- There are some in our numbers who are questioning the value of continuing their blogs. Many have left already. In the list of "BLOGS BY OTHER GAY MORMON'S" which I maintain on the right hand side of my blog, the (R) designation indicates those blogs which are retired (i.e. are no longer being updated).
- Some bloggers have disappeared altogether, designated by (RIP). I used to delete blogs that disappeared; but, a while ago I decided to keep them in the list as a reminder of those who used to count themselves as one of us. I want to remember them and keep them in my prayers that they will be able to find some measure of peace.
- We are a diverse group of people; and, we've never all agreed on everything. Even simple things, like what to call ourselves, has resulted in endless discourse. But, in reading through the comments I see on other blogs, there seems to be more hostility and contention than I remember seeing before.
Are these signs of the Mormon queerosphere imploding in on itself? Is the Mormon queerosphere becoming obsolete? I certainly hope not. The Mormon queerosphere was a real lifesaver for me (in a very literal sense).
If the Mormon queerosphere fizzles out - what is left to take its place? There isn't anything! On one side we have groups like Affirmation and LDS Reconciliation. On the other side we have groups like Evergreen International. On one side we have gay and proud. On the other side we have struggling with same gender attraction. The Mormon queerosphere fills a niche between those philosophies. Without the Mormon queerosphere we are left only with polarized extremes with nothing to bridge them.
There are some who may argue that on one side we have those who actively oppose the brethren and on the other side are those who follow the brethren. They may argue that there is only one 'right' way and 'if you aren't with us then you are against us'. But, I will not be pulled into that argument (and will likely delete any comments which attempt to do so). I am quite comfortable being a queer with a temple recommend.
IMOHO, the Mormon queerosphere fills an important role. Just as it has helped me, I believe it is helping many others. There are many who lurk and don't make their presence known. And, that's OK. I know they are there because there are only a handful of people who comment on my blog, but blogging statistics show that people from all over the world are checking out my blog - and many of these are repeat visitors.
Maybe I've got it all wrong. Maybe it's just a bunch of straight people who keep coming back out of morbid curiosity (much like slowing down to ogle an accident on the freeway). Maybe we're just a freak show that provides entertainment for the 'normal' people out there.
But, I don't think so. I believe there are likely many people like us - people who may be as we once were - still coming to terms with their sexuality. People who are each at different levels and at different points on their path. Occasionally, some may become comfortable enough to create their own blog to share their journey with others. But, many may never reach that point. Yet, we may be their lifeline - a reminder that they are not a freak of nature, that they are not alone in their struggles and challenges of being Mormon and gay.
So, while I struggle with what I should blog about - I pray that I will not reach the point where I start to feel that it is not worthwhile. Many of my blog entries may be inane and pedestrian with the occasional profound thought thrown in. But, that is an accurate portrayal of my life (which is mostly dull and boring).
And I plead with my fellow bloggers - please do not leave me to be the last man standing.