Monday, August 27, 2007

Pon farr continues

During Pon Farr (Vulcan mating cycle), the brain is thrown into a neurochemical imbalance and loss of logic and emotional control, similar to musth in bull elephants. The individual may stop eating and sleeping. As the condition progresses, the Vulcan undergoes the plak tow, or blood fever, and becomes unable to speak or think clearly - thoughts of mating overwhelm them.

My daughter, who is visiting from California, was invited to go to a water park Saturday with some friends. She invited me to come along to take pictures of her daughter.

I just didn't think going to a water park with a camera was a good idea for me right now in my current state. A gay guy going through pon farr, a camera with a telephoto zoom lens, and a water park just isn't a good combination. It might be difficult keeping my camera focused on my granddaughter :(

It's like these gay feelings come in waves. Sometimes they are small waves that I barely notice. Other times they are much bigger but I'm still able to keep in control. And, every once in a while, I feel like I've been hit with a tsunami - which is what I've been experiencing lately.

My wife asked me again if everything is OK. And, I lied again and said I was just peachy. She obviously knows I'm lying.

I went to bed before she did. When she came to bed I pretended to be asleep. I was on the very edge of the bed because I was afraid she would brush against me. I don't know why - it wasn't anything about her in particular, it was her gender - I just didn't want to be touched by a girl.

I hate this!!!

On a more positive note, I haven't given in to temptation, I haven't done anything I've regretted; and, I think it is actually getting better. Last night I didn't have the erotic dreams like I've been having. Church yesterday was good. So, maybe I'm starting to snap out of this.

In the past when I've been like this, I would usually lapse into depression. This time, other than feeling frustrated, I've been, for the most part, OK. I guess your prayers have been working - thank you.

Does this happen to other people??? Or am I just an over sexed psychotic lunatic or something?

Live long and prosper - and may your pon farr be far far away.


J G-W said...

Yes, even I go through gay Pon Farr.

(BTW, we have the complete, original Star Trek series on video. And all the movies. Göran actually has a Star Fleet uniform and goes to Trekkie conventions with brown Vulcan ears on. He HATES it when people say, "Oh, are you supposed to be Tuvok?" Sheesh, do they think there's only one black Vulcan in the universe?)

But to get back to the subject... Lust does seem to come in waves. And it has been important to me to try to stay faithful to my partner in mind and spirit as well as in body, so I do need to wrestle with certain thoughts or feelings on occasion. I don't pretend to know how that would be for me if I was married to a woman, or how that changes the whole chemistry.

But I think I can confirm you are not alien. (Unless you are from the planet Vulcan.)

Chedner said...

~cough~ geek ~/cough~

playasinmar said...

Here's the previously unreleased dialog from that last photo:

"Can I take a picture with you?"


"Let's do the Vulcan hand thing."

"No. That was Spock."

"Then we could rip off our shirts and threaten folks with swords."

"The Vulcan thing sounds good. Smile!"

Kengo Biddles said...

There was a while there that I felt like I was a 7 or 8, Abe. So yes, in my experience, it does go and come, ebb and flow. (I'm all for the ebbing, personally.) ;)

Playa, I think you're right on that photo. ;)

drex said...

Haha playa. (:

Yeah, I'll echo everyone on the waves bit. I've been doing a lot of ebbing lately, but I bet there'll be some more flow once I start up at school again. I'm just kinda isolated when all I do is work.

GeckoMan said...

". . . and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. . ."

Hang in there, Brother Abe.

Beck said...

"Does this happen to other people???"

Uh... an emphatic YES! :)

Jamie Trwth said...

If you treat your Wife like a friend and disclose what she asks of you. "Yes. I think Matt is cute. Don't you?" this puts the ball back into her court.

I wouldn't tell her that you don't like her touching her at times or that you have Homo-Erotic dreams.

Just tell her you are "Out of Sorts" this is the male equivalent to a menstruating.

Jamie Trwth