The poll will remain up for a few more days - in case there are any who haven't voted yet. But, I'm just totally amazed that there are, apparently, at least 15 people who read my blog, all of whom appear to be gay (at least nobody selected the 'straight' choice in my latest poll). All have reached a stage of tolerating being gay and most have moved onto the stage of acceptance. A few have move on and have internalized their gay identity (synthesis).When I think about it, this really isn't that surprising. I don't know the psychology behind blogging; but, it seems that a person must reach a point where they are, at least, tolerating being gay before they are ready to start talking about it, albeit anonymously via a blog.
Now, as was discussed in the comments, these stages are really meant to describe those who are coming out to the world as gay. But, I see parallels in coming out to ourselves.
The $1,000,000 question is: Now what? For those of us who are in a stage of acceptance, but wish to remain active in the church - can we stop here and go no further? Or, should we bring out the rainbow flags because it is it only a matter of time before we move on and inevitably reach the Identity Synthesis stage?
Inquiring minds want to know! Is my acceptance of being gay merely an evolutionary step from MoHo to becoming a full fledged homo? Or, can I stop here and proceed no further towards full homo-ness? The Sunday School answer is: Of course I can, I have my free agency and can choose how I will live my life. And, I truly want to believe that. But, I can't help but have these little nagging doubts in the back of my mind.
It would sure be a lot easier if there were others who have been camped out here at the acceptance stage for a long time - someone I could look to and say "if they can do it then so can I!" Do they exist? Or are we the gay brigade of mormon pioneers?
Ya know, not all of the early mormon pioneers made it. Many decided to stay behind and not follow brother Brigham. Others, faced with unimaginable hardships, died along the way. Are there parallels here? Gay mormon's face hardships that the general membership cannot fathom - many decide to leave the church behind. I don't want to be a pioneer - being a pioneer really sucks!
4 comments:
I don't know how to get past just the "acceptance" stage. And even within that stage, I don't fully accept myself, because if I did, I would be more willing to be open and truthful in all things with my wife - and I'm not - I'm still ashamed, so maybe I should change my vote to "partially still in denial"...
By the way, I love the last photo in this post!
A:
I'm not sure I agree that "Identiy Synthesis" means you're gay and on your way to leaving the Church behind. I think you can have identity synthesis and still be a faithful member - synthesis being the operative word here.
This six-stage theory of acceptance has largely been refuted anyway (if you read up a bit). Its a lot more fluid than this model represents.
Regards,
Neal
This six-stage theory of acceptance has largely been refuted anyway
Party pooper!
Seriously, I agree that these six stages over simplify things, just as the Kinsey sexual orientation scale does. But, I think it also provides some insight into our progression as we learn to accept that this is who we are. If nothing else, it shows that our attitudes can and will change over time
I don't fully accept myself, because if I did, I would be more willing to be open and truthful in all things with my wife
I don't know that I agree with that assessment. It's one thing to accept it yourself. It's an entirely different matter to be sensitive to what your wife can and cannot accept at this stage.
But, fwiw, I'm not sure I'm really at the acceptance stage either. I think I may be on the cusp between tolerance and acceptance.
By the way, I love the last photo in this post!
50 points to whoever can correctly identify what movie that came from! I thought about using this one or this one; but, I didn't want to get yelled at again. :) There is also this one; but, it will probably give the movie away.
Obviously I won't win the 50 points - but I'd be curious what the movie is...
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