One of my therapist assignments was to purchase the book "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns. (not to be confused by another book by the same author titled simply "Feeling Good") I ordered it on Amazon and it arrived yesterday. I've only thumbed through it a bit. It's a workbook where I actually have to write stuff in it. I have reservations about this.
- First of all, I don't write in books. I don't know why, it's just one of my quirks. I get upset when I pickup a book and find writing in it. I don't even mark, highlight, or otherwise notate in my scriptures - because that's writing in a book. I tried once, and now I get upset every time I come across one of the passages I marked up.
- Second, this is a dang big book - a 732 page workbook. I thought about writing my thoughts on a separate sheet of paper; but, there are lots of parts where you just write a few words. Keeping my thoughts separately while maintaining their correlation with the associated section in the book seems like more trouble than it be worth.
- Third, if I'm going to be completely honest then the book is going to have to be private! Just like I said when I wrote down my life history - there are things I'm not ready to tell my wife and don't know if I'll ever be ready. If I'm going to be completely honest with myself and write down my true innermost thoughts and feelings, I'm not comfortable with the idea that a family member could pick up the book and read it along with my notations. I need to figure out a way to keep it private. I almost wish they had published it in the form of a personal diary with a lock. Maybe I should purchase a little hasp and lock to glue onto the book. It's not totally secure, but it's sends a strong signal to others that it's private - in case I accidentally leave it lying about. Hmmm, gonna have to think about this a bit more.
I also talked about how I like to meet with other gay people, such as my excursions with the gay christian network. He said that makes perfect sense to him - to want to connect with people who are aware of and accept that part of me. He even went on to say how important it is to connect with people in a face to face setting rather than over the internet (I had previously talk about my blog and our little queerosphere). But, then I explained that my wife doesn't like it when I meet with other gay guys, it makes her uncomfortable. He said that is perfectly understandable - but we'll each have to make compromises and hers may be allowing me to to do certain things even if it makes her uncomfortable.
He started to talk about things I can do to connect better with my wife. But, then I said that will be very difficult to do since she is leaving tomorrow for 3 weeks (going out to California to be with our daughter when she has her baby). So, he said we'll just table that for now. He did mention the possibility of bringing her with me to therapy; but, I just don't know if she'll agree to that.