Had my second visit with the new shrink yesterday. I handed him my timeline and my "day in the life" scenario assignment. I also handed him a few of the poems I've written and told him that I thought it might give him some insight as to what's going on in my head. He read through the timeline asking me questions as he charted my family history on a separate piece of paper (if I had known he wanted a family history, I would have brought a pedigree chart and a family group sheet). He looked briefly at the "day in the life" and poems and commented that he wanted to take time to read them more carefully and that we would talk about them during our next session.
During the course of the session, he mentioned one thing that I found interesting. He observed that I've come to terms with my sexuality and have made a conscious decision to not go down that path, but to stay true to my marriage vows - he called it a paradox. Then he continued commenting that I've said goodbye to that life and am now going through a sort of grieving process.
Just wondering what other queerospherians think. Am I grieving for a life that's not meant to be? Can you grieve for the loss of something you never had?
No wonder I'm so screwed up - good thing I'm seeing a shrink.