What do you see in this image? This is the first of the ten cards in the Rorschach inkblot test. I'll post my interpretation at the end of this post.
Had my second visit with the psychologist today. I'm starting to think he is more uncomfortable talking about the gay thing than I am. He kept referring to it as "that issue I'm dealing with". I don't know, maybe he's just trying to be sensitive towards me, not yet quite sure how comfortable I am about it.
We talked about the conflict I feel being gay in a church that is largely homophobic. Turns out he grew up in Montana in a small town where Mormonism was the predominate religion. So, he has some familiarity with the church. In particular, he was asking me about the culture - which I thought was interesting. Our culture is evident even to non-members.
I explained about how I'm struggling with the churches decision to get involved in the politics opposing gay marriage in California - that I've never been at such odds with the church before. I explained how the church normally takes a position of political neutrality, to which he responded "what about abortion?" I responded that the LDS church strongly opposes abortion, that it can be grounds for excommunication, but that the church does not get involved in the politics of abortion. He was genuinely surprised! Why would the LDS church would pick this one issue to get involved politically but not others?
One thing he did mention is the importance for someone in my situation (gay and in a committed heterosexual marriage) to have a support group - people whom I talk to. He said he felt I was finding that in the online relationships I've built, which, he said, is a good thing. But, the reality is, it's not enough. As I was driving home, I thought that, maybe, this is what I'm looking for - real flesh and blood people around whom I can just be myself and not have to be constantly on guard about what I might say and do lest they start wondering about which side of the bread I butter.
It's not that I want to sit around talking about 'gay' all the time. But, it would be nice to be with a group of people where it just wouldn't matter, who may be right there with me in likes, opinions, etc. Basically, I want to be with people like whom I've met in the queerosphere - except I want you to live in Texas so that I can invite you over for dinner once in a while :)
Back to the inkblot test. According to Wikipedia, popular responses including bat, badge and coat of arms. Personally, I see seahorses, seriously. I wonder what that is supposed to mean?