In? Or out?

I feel a bit like Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof. The scene where the villagers are talking about the disturbing news from other villages and what they should do. Tevye declares "He's right!" And, when Perchik offers an opposing point of view, he says "He's right!" And, when someone else points out they can't both be right, Tevye declares "He's right too!"

I've been following iwonder's blog and his decision to totally come out. While my comments on his blog have urged caution - I can't deny that there is a teeny part of me that wants to do the same. A tiny part that is cheering him on "you go girl!" A small part of me that is tired of pretending to be a heterosexual.

It's not like I want to put my wifes clothes on and go skipping among the tulips. It's little things. For instance, the other day I was talking with some guys at church when someone, out of the blue, started talking about some basketball team. Here we were, having this meaningful conversation solving all of the problems in the world; and, he cut me out of the discussion. I just wanted to say "hello - gay!" A while back my daughter was talking about her friends families (many of whom grew up with divorced parents, etc.). She then declared "I think our family is the only normal one!" I wanted to ask "The family with the gay dad is the most normal one?"

But, for me, there is a huge roadblock: My children. Telling my wife that I'm gay was hard enough. The thought of telling my children absolutely terrifies me. And, just how does one go about making such an announcement to adult children (and their spouses)?

Well kids, I have an announcement:
Your dad's a fag - always has been.

Hon, what's for dinner?

I have read others stories from men telling their adult children after 20+ years of marriage - but it was always in conjunction with an announcement that they are getting divorced. The idea of coming out to adult children while remaining committed to the marriage seems to be uncharted waters. And, I'm not that much of an adventurer.

But, what if I were to be outed? I have already made the commitment that if I ever think my children may hear rumors of me being gay that I will tell them - because I think I owe it to them to hear it from me rather than as a rumor. So, what if someone who knows me happens upon my blog and puts two and two together? Brrrr, it's probably better if I don't think about that possibility.

BTW, check out this video:

http://web.mac.com/gcnjustin/iWeb/Musical/gcn2007.html

It is a skit from a GCN (Gay Christian Network) gathering. It is a musical parody of the ex-Gay movement titled "Straight to Heaven". It uses a lot of show tunes; one of the songs is apropos to this discussion: "Your son will come out, tomorrow."

I will warn you, the file is about 135MB. The skit is about an hour long and requires Apple Quicktime player. Personally, I think the skit has a powerful message. It parodies both ex-gays and gays living "the lifestyle" and has a message that there are other choices. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't be a Christian and have Christian values. I think that in our little corner of the queerosphere, we have a similar message. Just because we're gay doesn't mean we can't be Mormons and hold Mormon values.