Thursday, May 17, 2007

What to do

The problem I have with my blog is that, when I go back and read previous blog entries, the person that emerges isn't me. It's like my evil twin is writing my blog. So, I've been struggling with what to do with my blog. My existing blog focuses on being gay - which is by design. My attraction to other guys is certainly part of who I am, but it isn't what defines me. And, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm focusing more on being gay more in my real life than is necessary or desired as a direct result of blogging about it So, what do I do?
  • Keep my blog, but move it into a new direction that is more reflective of the real me?
  • Sunset my blog and create a new blog that is more reflective of the real me?
  • Keep my blog the way it is and let my inner evil twin continue to write in it?
  • Keep my existing blog the way it is and let my inner evil twin write - but also create a new blog that is more reflective of the real me?
  • Quit blogging altogether?

I've even gone so far as to create a new blog. But, I haven't posted anything to it yet - because, then I start to wonder "who is the real me?" and "does anybody really care?" The reality is, my real life is pretty mundane and boring. Does anyone really care to read about the other challenges I face in my life?

Or, is the persona that emerges from my blog the real me? Do I have the secret self that only emerges in my blog? I like to think that writing about the challenges I face being a gay Mormon might be of some help to others who happen to come across my blog. But, perhaps I'm just fooling myself.

What to do ...

10 comments:

playasinmar said...

It’s a blog. It’s not a résumé. Just write.

iwonder said...

"who is the real me?" and "does anybody really care?"

In answer to your questions:
I don't know
I do care

The people who really need to know the whole you already do. The blog is, in my mind, a tool to share and express, but is not meant to re-create an entire person and all his experiences. That would, well, take a lifetime. The blog doesn't seem like you because you know you inside and out. Even your wife doesn't know you that well.

So what do I think you should do?
Do whatever you want to do, just don't stop blogging. That's the one thing you are not allowed to want to do. I forbid it!

Just write, share.

And what exactly is it that is supposed to be indicative of your evil twin-ness?

Forester said...

We need you and all of your blogs. If you don't feel like writing about being gay, write about something else, but don't get rid of this blog. We all know that being gay does not fully define who we are, but I don't veiw your blogs as coming from an evil side of you. In fact, they are just the opposite in their effect. Your blogs have given me hope and understanding, and in effect, are quite angelic in a way.

drex said...

I have also found that a greater focus on my 'gay side' or whatever online leads to a greater focus in normal everyday life. Focusing on the spiritual and religious thrust of everything keeps it in perspective, though, and occasionally I'll back off and focus on other things for a while. It's just the normal ebb and flow of life.

Kengo Biddles said...

Playasinmar, you get points for using the é correctly.

Abe,

We do care, and maybe you're just showing a facet of yourself. Show other parts of you, if you so desire.

Gimple said...

I personally enjoy reading your experiences of life. They help me understand different points of view better. I hope that you get things out of my blogs too! :)

-L- said...

Reading my blog is like watching a person travel through an episode of dissociative personality disorder. I leave it, cuz it's real.

But I also want to, well, keep changing. I'm trying to be less gay, more real. I'm trying to find the best way to do that while still making progress with all my challenges and getting the benefits of blogging.

I certainly love your blog. You are a great example to me. Thanks for all you write, your broad mind, and your faith.

Love,
-L-

kgwz said...

I am not a blogger but I would think that your blog would reflect what's going on inside you at the time. Maybe it is an alter ego but it seems to me that right now that's the one that needs expression.

Beck said...

I would say: "quit blogging all together". That's what I'm contemplating doing...

playasinmar said...

I just reconsidered something. Maybe that voice you see in your blog is you alter-ego.

If that is the case it would be foolish, even dangerous, to ignore it! That voice isn't going to go away and without a blog to focus his energies into who knows what else you might do.

So let him act out here. A blog, all things considered, is a pretty harmless place to express your repressed side.

And I still think you should call him Edward Nygma. :)