Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Recent polls and more answers

Masturbation poll

First off, I want to apologize to anyone who was offended by my masturbation poll. I took it down early as I wasn't comfortable having that be the first thing you see when you go to my blog.

It was not my intent to be tawdry - I was just trying to prove a point. Examining masturbation habits during the mission years is significant because that is a time when young men are working their hardest to overcome it. For most young men, they probably never tried so hard either before or in the years after. Yet, even then, those who masturbated on their mission at least once outnumber those who didn't by more than 2 to 1.

Masturbation is the dirty little secret in Mormon culture - just about all of the brethren have engaged in it, but few will admit or acknowledge it. I find it interesting that there seems to be no current word from church leaders about it. Everything I've found on the topic on lds.org is 15 years old or more. One could argue that they don't talk about it because everything that needs to be said has been said - but you could use that same argument about porn, getting out of debt, etc. Why do we keep hearing about those but not the M-word?

Although, I am a bit surprised at the frequency distribution in my poll. I expected more in the once or twice, less on infrequently, and the least in regularly. It seems most missionaries either do it regularly or not at all - at least according to this decidedly unscientific poll. Although, I expect that if this were conducted as a proper poll - the results might not be that different.

Opinions about Abelard poll

On the poll asking if opinion of me had changed as a result of the recent disclosures from questions I answered - most said their opinion of me hasn't changed . But I've since realized that an unchanged opinion could range anywhere between "Abelard is awesome" to "Abelard is a schmuck." So, perhaps it wasn't my most well formed poll. I suppose I could put up a new poll flat out asking opinions of me - but I might not like the results :)

For those who think less of me or felt my disclosures were TMI - I'm sorry. Not that it will change anything - because that is who I am. But, I am truly sorry if I offended you in any way.

For those who want to know more - what is it you want to know? Speak now, while I'm am in this 'willing to bare all' frame of mind, because it might not last forever :) I'll also answer questions privately, via email, if so requested.

More answers to questions

Q: What to the (R) and the (RIP) mean on your list of blogs? How do you compile that list and keep it up to date?

(R) means it's retired, i.e. hasn't been updated in the last year or so.
(RIP) means it's gone, but not forgotten.

I find new blogs in a variety of ways. A person I don't recognize may comment on a blog, in my blogging statistics, I may notice a link from a blog I don't recognize, etc. Sometimes people email me to let me know of a new blog (either their own or one they recently became aware of).

As far as keeping it up to date. I fear I don't do a very good job in that area. I used to go through the list every few months to update my notations. But, the list has gotten too long and unwieldy. I need to figure out a better way. I envision some sort of MoHo portal, something similar to the Mormon Blogosphere portal where the blogs are categorized in some fashion and listed in order of recent updates (that way, the retired blogs will naturally float to the bottom of the list). But, I'm not HTML savvy enough to pull it off.

Any volunteers to help with this?

Q: Have you ever been in love with a man?

This is probably the most difficult question I've been asked during the Q&A invitation and one that I've had to do some serious soul searching about before answering.

I think I'll have to answer 'No' - I've never been truly in love with a man. I've crushed on other guys, I've been infatuated about other guys, I've had homoerotic dreams about other guys. But, I've never known a man whom I truly loved and would want to spend the rest of my life with.

That said, there are a couple of MoHo's I've met here in the queerosphere whom I think I could fall in love with - and, before you ask, whose names will not be revealed (although, I suspect they may know who they are). I'll only say that they are ... um ... shall I say - more mature (read 'old).

It used to be something I never thought about. I'm old and fat - and I just figured nobody would ever want me. But, I've come to learn that not all gay men are as shallow as the stereotype indicates. I realize now that there just might be a man out there whom I could make a life with together which, truthfully, gives me something to worry about.

I've made a commitment that I'm going to stay in my marriage. But, what if I do meet someone whom I fall head over heals in love with and who also has similar feelings for me? What would that do to my marriage?

I take comfort in the fact that I'm not out looking for love - I'm trying to make the best of the love I already have.


Quinn said...

Just a quick note on the masturbation poll. I has a regular wanker before my mission, almost addicted to it and porn. However on my mission I made a goal not to do it, and I made it all two years without masturbating once!!!!

After the mission it only lasted 3 weeks, but hey I'd say 2 years and 3 weeks is pretty dang good!

playasinmar said...

95% of men admit to masturbating regularly.

The other 5% are lying.

Beck said...

"But, what if I do meet someone whom I fall head over heals in love with and who also has similar feelings for me? What would that do to my marriage?"

Ahh... that's a puzzlement! As much as you think otherwise, it isn't an easy one to answer... believe me. :(

Beck said...

As for your M-poll... it disappeared too quickly. I didn't get a chance to answer (the answer being never - and yes, Playa, I'm not lying).

It is interesting that the M-discussions are almost non-existent in church publications, discourses, instructions, that those priesthood leaders who still have an issue about it are definitely of the "old school".

playasinmar said...


Quinn said...

Beck Im right there with you, I know I didn't do it on my mission... I think Id remember lol.

Anonymous said...

Your poll went down too fast about the M word. I never did on my mission. Not for 21 years before my mission, and not for 12 years after my mission, but I do now.

And, I like the point you presented that "M" is not talked about by the brethern. Very interesting. Thank you for all the good information.

Ned said...

I made six months once when I was in my mid-thirties. That's my all time record for abstinence.

Captain Midnight said...

I agree that the poll was taken down too fast. I won't say where my vote would have fallen though. Haha.