Friday, August 28, 2009

Worthless

Here I sit. It's been 4 months since I was laid off. After applying for numerous jobs, I haven't had a single one call me back - not a single interview. It's all starting to feel so futile.

I'm feeling pretty worthless today. Nobody wants me. Other than my wife and children - does anybody even care that I'm alive? Do they even care?

I noticed CiC's (an all-you-can-stand pizza joint) had a help wanted sign on their window - perhaps I should apply. On second thought - I make more money sitting at home on my fat butt collecting unemployment than I would working for minimum wage. Hmmm, something doesn't seem quite right about that.

Realizing that this unemployment gig might go on for a while, out of idle curiosity I checked into food stamps. Don't qualify - too much money in savings. You have to have less than $100 to your name in order to qualify for food stamps. Makes me wonder how fast they are at processing applications. If I'm down to my last $100 then I need help now! - not a month from now when they finally get around to looking at my application. And people want the government to take over health care? Frankly, I'm all for health care reform - there are some definite problems that need to be addressed. But giving the government control of it isn't the answer - they'll just screw it up to an even worse mess than it already is. This is why I've never given any credence to governmental conspiracies - I think government, in general, is just too stupid to pull it off.

Although, perhaps I'm being hypocritical as I sit here, the beneficiary of Obama's stimulus packages. He is subsidizing a major portion of my monthly health insurance - I pay less now for health insurance than I did when I was employed -for the same exact coverage. Of course, that will end in 8 months, then I'll just be screwed if I haven't found a job with benefits by then. I also took advantage of his "cash for clunkers" incentive and traded in our old van. Bought a Nissan Cube - which gets over double the gas mileage that the van got, so I qualified for the full $4,500 trade-in. But, I love my Nissan cube. It's so butt ugly it's cute. It's kinda girly, even a bit gay - just like me. And the looks people give me as I pull up next to their ginormous gas guzzling SUV are priceless.

But ... then I feel stupid for buying a new car when I'm unemployed. It just seemed like too good of a deal to pass up - and I was going to have to get another car anyway once I do find a job. The van was the type where I worried that the transmission would fall out, or something equally disastrous, whenever I drove it.

I couldn't believe it when they tried to get me to finance the car. They were actually wanting to give me a loan when I have zero income - and we wonder why we have a credit crisis in this country!

I'm taking a big math test tomorrow - to prove I am actually qualified to teach high school math. It's a requirement of the "No Child Left Behind" legislation. I'm feeling pretty good about the algebra and geometry stuff, less confident about the calculus. The part I'm worried about is trigonometry and statistics. There's just so much to remember all of the relationships between sine's, cosine's, tangents, and other trig-crap. And statistics - truthfully, I struggled in statistics in college - and it hasn't gotten any easier with age. When students take the TAKS (assessment) exams they are given a sheet with all of the formula's they might need. I'm hoping they do the same for this test - then I might be able to muddle through the trig part. But, the statistics - I'm just hoping I do well enough on the rest of the test to compensate - otherwise, I'm statistically doomed.

In any case, today is not a good day for me.

15 comments:

Evan said...

Sorry Abe. Have you looked outside of DFW at all?

Good luck with the math exam... I'm already starting to forget all the Calculus I learned during 3 semesters of it.

Rex said...

Just a little advice: purplemath.com.

Good luck on the test and the job search.

A.J. said...

good luck on the job search I hope you find something soon and that you enjoy. Hey! your not worthless don't even go there! Hope your day gets better.

live honest said...

"J"- you are one of the best people I know! I have learned SO much from you and your blogging. Good luck on your math test tomorrow. Wish I could help you with the trig- that is my favorite subject to teach. I am rooting for you to do well. :)

Happy day!

Quinn said...

OH MY GOSH! I LOVE THE CUBE!!!! I'm jealous.

BTW- While reading your bad day post, is dark, grey, gloomy, and raining here in Oregon, so it kinda kit your post's theme.

santorio said...

just as an aside, you equate health care with government control. guess what buddy, that's the way it is now. the government controls medicare and when medicare makes a regulation, most health care organizations just adopt it for everyone. easier to have one set of regs than two. i work for a big health insurance company; i'd rather have the government in charge, or at lease providing some competition to the insurance industry.

Beck said...

"...Other than my wife and children - does anybody even care that I'm alive?"

I CARE THAT YOU'RE ALIVE!

"Do they even care?"

THEY CARE!

Hugs...

Max Power said...

Abe,

I can't help but chuckle a little at the thought of you driving around in a totally gayed-out Cube. Purple, sparkley paint. Tinkerbell sticker on the back window. Rainbow pinwheel on the antenna. Streamers from the door handles. Hee hee!

Good luck on the test!

live honest said...

You called the Cube "girly"... well, I am a girl, and I would not be caught dead driving a Cube. LOL

But, I AM glad you get good gas mileage with it!

playasinmar said...

"...I feel stupid for buying a new car when I'm unemployed."

Even if you can't afford to spend you can always afford to spend like the government!

ControllerOne said...

Go Obama. Proud, and finally open, lefty here. Without progressives, children would work (and die) in mines, social security would not exist, segregation would still be legal and our most basic rights against government intrusiveness would be neither recognized nor respected.

Sorry, just had to say that.

Don't fret over the car. Had a buddy do the same thing. Couldn't really afford it, but couldn't afford to pass it up. He drove an old Jeep which he loved, but it was falling apart and sucked gas. Needed something for him and the wife to drive when the little ones weren't coming along. Got a little Pontiac G3 for $7,500 net of clunker - with stereo and AC too! We call it the golf cart. Gets 30+ all day long.

The job will come Brother. You are smarter than the average bear and the average bear ends up employed. Been there, been discouraged. You'll get beyond it sooner or later.

Oh, and clearly MANY people care that you exist. I've never had 10 comments on one of my posts.

Philip said...

My heart would break when she would cry and wonder out loud if she would ever meet someone.

But I knew she would because she is so wonderful.

To comfort her I'd remind her that it only takes one.

Now she has met someone and he is really, really nice and I am so happy for her.

The only downside is that I rarely see her because she is so busy building a life with this really, really nice man.

Abe, you're wonderful,too. There is a job out there for you. It only takes one.

GeckoMan said...

Abe,
Hang in there, bro. "Worthless" is a horrific and powerful word, use with caution. But I know how you feel--been there, done that.

Now that I am again gainfully employed for over a year, I can look back on my 10 months of unemployment and it is like a bad dream, but I'm remembering mostly only the good parts.

I hope you pull through the math quiz OK and keep going in a purposeful direction. It's good to have something you're working towards. Most of all, don't lose your faith that our HF knows the beginning from the end, or your hope that good will come of all this. It certainly did for me.

Here's a long tight [[[[[hug]]]]].

Abelard Enigma said...

Have you looked outside of DFW at all?

Not really - although I would prefer to stay here, I'm not totally adverse to relocating

the thought of you driving around in a totally gayed-out Cube. Purple, sparkley paint.

[sigh] alas, it doesn't come in sparkley purple - so I had to settle for a caribbean blue. Although, I don't know what makes it so caribbean.

Tinkerbell sticker on the back window. Rainbow pinwheel on the antenna.

hmmmm...

Streamers from the door handles.

You mean like the kind we used to put on our bicycle handle bars?

Even if you can't afford to spend you can always afford to spend like the government!

Ah, but the difference is - I actually had money in the bank to cover the check I wrote for the car.


I hope you pull through the math quiz OK


I don't know that I'd call it a 'quiz' - it was a 5 hour grueling test. But, it's over now.

Abelard Enigma said...

I am a girl, and I would not be caught dead driving a Cube.

I guess I am more girly than you. :)