Sunday, February 11, 2007

Out of the closet, day 14

It has been 2 weeks since I told my wife that I'm gay.

Friday wasn't a good day for my wife. Of course, being the dunderhead that I am sometimes, I didn't notice until I came into the bedroom to go to bed and noticed that she had been crying. So we talked. We talked (and other stuff) for about 3 hours. Saturday morning, I took her out to breakfast.

She was feeling much better on Saturday morning; I was feeling good. And then the waiter came up to ask us what we wanted to drink. I looked up at him and then had to look away - he was drop dead gorgeous. Later, when he brought us our water and juice and took our order, I just stared into my menu and mumbled "I'll have the country breakfast." Of course, then I had to make some decisions: how did I want my eggs cooked, did I want ham, bacon, or sausage, etc. I just wanted him to go away. Well, not exactly, I really wanted him to sit down at the table with us so that I could bask in his beauty. Why does God do this to me? Couldn't he have sent the old lady waitress that I saw as we were escorted into the dining area? Maybe we should start eating at Hooters - wouldn't be any temptation there, so I've been told. I've never actually eaten there - but I hear they have good wings :-)

One thing my wife and I talked about is that we need to do more together. We both have our hobbies and tend to get caught up in our own activities and interests. We feel that we need to find something that we can both do together - something totally different than what we each do individually. So, Saturday, after doing some chores around the house, we went to the downtown area in the city where we live and visited a couple of glass blowers that we knew teach classes. It certainly met the criteria of 'totally different'. We haven't decided if that is what we want to do yet, right now we're just exploring ideas.

BTW, I love the town we live in! How many towns have glass blowers? We have two of them as well as art galleries, etc. - all within a mile of where we live (a town with about 45,000 people - not too big, but not too small either). But, I digress.

Saturday afternoon we both went went to the Worldwide Leadership training broadcast. The theme was "Teaching" and they emphasized that we are all teachers. It was a much more informal setting than what we are used to with general conference and other broadcasts. The things that I brought back from the training are:
  • We need to truly love those whom we teach.
  • We shouldn't feel like we need to teach everything in the lesson manual in the allocated time. We should pick 2 or 3 principles from the lesson and focus on those.
  • We need to adequately prepare our lessons. It was suggested that we first read the lesson a week prior so that we can ponder it during the week.
  • We need to end each lesson with our testimony of the principals that we taught.

They also talked about how we need to "teach by the spirit"; but, I'm not exactly sure what that really means. It is one of those phrases that tends to roll off our tongues. But, how do we really know when we're teaching by the spirit? I know when I've taught the young men, some lessons go really crappy and others I come away from feeling really good about. For the ones I felt good about, does that mean I taught by the spirit? Or did I just do a good job of teaching the lesson? Even for the crappy lessons, isn't it possible that there was something said in the lesson that touched the life of one of the young men? Isn't that teaching by the spirit? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to ponder on this some more.

There was a lot more that they talked about; but, it was kind of warm in the Stake Center where we were watching the broadcast and I was tired from our late night talking marathon. So, I think I dozed off a couple of times. Or, maybe it was because I was sitting next to our High Priest group leader who was also nodding off - he was demonstrating to me how to be an old person, and I was just practicing.

Our ward choir sang today. I didn't sing with them because my allergies are really bad right now and I can't sing. So, I got to listen. Afterwards, I went up to the choir director and told her that I thought the choir sounded fabulous. I can't believe I used that word: "fabulous". That's such a gay word. How many straight manly men do I know go around saying "fabulous"? What's next, am I going to start wearing a pink shirt and rainbow tie to church?


Beck said...

I doodle to stay awake during those broadcasts. It's very therapeutic. It's better than drooling all over yourself! :)

-L- said...

I have a rainbow tie and I wear it as self-guided therapy. It reminds me that I can like the things I like without apology (as long as don't have sex with men). :-)

Ammon said...

My dear friend,
You are doing swell. Infact, you are doing fabulous. LOL I've pondered on why God splits us into the obviously attractive and the obviously not attractive. He basically taught me that it is that same reason that evil has to be allowed in this life. How can we recognize beauty if we havn't seen or experienced ugliess too. However, I think it was a bit of a mean trick to have a gorgeous boy wait on you. If you figure out why God does that, please let all of us know.
Most men don't look good in pink, so don't sweat it. Just because you recognize some of what you say isn't strait speach doesn't mean everyone reads it on your forehead. I happen to enjoy having a larger vocabulary than just 'cool' and 'neat'. LOL I wish you the very best. I think that everything will turn out right. Love you!

Distinguishing Preoccupation said...

In regards to wondering if your class comes away with feeling something on the good lessons, this is my experience. If you are feeling it, so are they. Likewise if you are in an awkward conversation the person with whom you are conversing feels awkward too. If you are feeling like a good salesman, you are likely to make a sale. Additionally, if you've ever been part of a sports team you also know when you are "in the groove" and the team becomes one and everyone feeds off of this energy. Same with a Choir or dance team. If one person is feeling it, it's likely that everyone is feeling it. Everybody is on the same page. At least that has been my experience. Sometimes I am just off in my own world and pick up on my own vibe, but more often than not, it is a group synergy. I'm sure you're doing just fine.

I think it's funny that both you and Ammon say that God sent the waiter to your table. I would have assumed it was just good luck.