Tuesday, February 6, 2007


I was reading through the messages on q-saints and came across one titled "Faith . . ." by Larry in Virginia. (I won't include the entire message here; but, it is message #38240 for those who have access to q-saints)

There is one line in this message that really struck a chord with me and which I want to blog about. Referring to a discussion he had with his Bishop, he said:
"...he believes (as do most people) that heterosexuality is about relationships but homosexuality is about sex."

When I read this, it was as though a light came on in my head. A 'eureka' moment, if you will. Although I'm attracted to men, it's not sex that I crave. I don't look at a cute guy and think "He's hot, I want to bed him". I'm married and can have all of the sex that I want. It is experiencing an intimate relationship with another man that I yearn for. A hug, holding hands, that sort of stuff. No kissing though, I don't like to kiss (men or women). I just have this thing about stuff touching my lips. I guess I wouldn't make a very good drag queen :-)

Why can't the world understand this? Well, for one thing, I think we can place part of the blame on Hollywood. Shows like "Will & Grace" depict gay men as thinking only of sex and doing everything they can to avoid relationships. I'm sure that there probably are people like that, both homosexual and heterosexual. But it is wrong to categorize all gay men to be like that. I've done enough reading the last few months to know that there are a lot of gay men who just want to find the right man - one to whom they can have a long term relationship with. That's what the whole gay marriage brouhaha is all about - gay couples want to have the same kinds of relationships that heterosexual couples have, including the legal benefits associated with those relationships.

How does this new understanding help me? I don't know. Although I yearn for an intimate relationship with another man, I am committed to my wife and will probably never experience it. Does understanding my yearning more make it any easier to endure? Probably not. But. it does make the yearning seem less tawdry.


Ammon said...

I totally agree with you. Even though I'm only seventeen, I want a real relationship with the squables and bad days that go with. Why should it matter that I want to be with a man if I really just want to be with him? To hold his hand, and take things one day at a time. I agree that the media is not very helpful, but I think that we are getting there a little at a time.
I wish you the very best with your wife. I want you to do well. I know that things wil get better soon. I'm sorry that things are tough right now. Please keep in touch!

Thrasius said...

First of all, thanks for commenting on my blog. I absolutely love your blog and your story. I just read it all and I've appreciated everything you had to say. I think you made the right decision in telling your wife and I will pray for you tonight that everything will work out in the best way possible. I think it's interesting that she feared you might leave her...so now you can do everything possible to convince her that you really will never do that and to show your love for her. If she is ever defensive, she's probably just afraid.
Also, I love the phrase "dragged into the closet" did you coin that or did you get from somewhere else? I have never heard it before.
Anyway, feel free to keep in touch. I will continue to follow your blog and I look forward to hearing how things go with you. Best of luck friend