Wednesday, January 24, 2007

You might be a gay guy if ...

This morning while I was working out I was thinking about experiences in my life that may have been, or are indications that I am gay. Then I started playing a game in my mind - a parody of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck" routine.

So, let me give you my list thus far.

You might be a gay guy if ...

  • You were always the last one left when picking teams.
  • You get confused: Is football the game that uses the big orange ball? Or the one that uses the funny shaped ball? Is there a stick involved?
  • Having a root canal sounds more enjoyable than watching sports on TV.
  • You removed sports channels, like ESPN, from your cable directory.
  • You get excited about going to a new grocery store.
  • If the new grocery store happens to have a 'salt bar', you pick out several to try out. Then you go to another store to buy some little cute bottles to store the salts in. Guilty.
  • You went ga-ga over movies like "The Sound of Music" when you were a kid.
  • While the other boys were outdoors playing ball, you were indoors playing Barbie with a girl. Yup, that was me when I was about 8 years old. I had a girlfriend and we would occasionally get together to play Barbie. I was always Ken.
  • Your first crush as a teenager was for another guy. I once wrote a verse about my first crush which I called Unrequited Love.
  • If a cute couple walks into a room and you are later asked to describe them, you could probably describe the guy but not the girl.
  • You've never felt so angry that you wanted to hit something, or break something. Instead, you choose other ways to express your anger such as verbal remarks or the 'silent treatment'.
  • You've had an imaginary boyfriend. Beck talked about this on his blog; and, I'll have to confess that there have been times when I've had an imaginary boyfriend - yes, even after I married.
  • Your music collection includes "Boy George", "Elton John", and "Enya"
  • You get moody sometimes.
  • You crave chocolate. And, you use phrases like "to die for" when describing a particularly delicious chocolate dessert.
  • You have this weird fascination with guys in traditional female roles.
  • One of your guilty pleasures is watching the Logo station on TV.

I meant for this to be fun; but, I went back and re-read my list and it isn't that funny. I guess I better not quit my day job.

BTW, here are my salt bottles. A Central Market opened up in our area a few weeks ago. I bought: Cyprus Flake Sea Salt, Murray River Austrailian Pink Flake Salt, Bali Smoked Lime Sea Salt, & Chihuahua de Mexico Wood-Smoked salt.


Aren't they cute?


AttemptingthePath said...

you might be a gay guy if...

you know more about the sale rack at Express for Men rather than the stats for the NFL.

You helped bring "Sexyback" okay maybe that's just me. haha

Your mom asks you what to wear.

Mormon Enigma said...

They have stats for the NFL?

Elda said...

Thanks for writing this.